"Only, all for Jesus."

Sometimes it doesn't make sense.

2011-08-31T21:44:00.004-04:00

Life doesn't go the way you plan it.

It seems like such a simple sentence. It's trite and cliche. It's something that we all know. Yet it's something that causes life's deepest pains. It's the thing that creates the heartwrenching questions of God's goodness and sovereignty. It's what causes a person to lose hope. It confuses us and shifts the paradigm of all we knew to be true until ______ happened.

Dr. Larry Crabb taught me something profound about a year ago. He taught me that we expect linearity in life. A+B=C. There are consequences to actions. It's sort of like the Buddhist idea of kharma - give good, get good. But life doesn't really work that way. I mean, I guess it does enough that we all learn to expect it. But inevitably, we get something that doesn't equal all the As+Bs we've done in life. Suddenly we realize that this isn't what we bargained for, isn't what we were promised. I have been struck by this over and over again in the few short months I've been seeing clients. But I can't talk about them. So I guess I have to talk about me.

I've experienced painful things in my life. I'm sure it's pretty trivial in the grand scheme of things. But recently, I had one of those rug out from under you experiences where it seems like everything is adding up to something beautiful, like you're being given a gift you didn't even ask for, and then the world is upside down and you realize the gift box is empty. And meanwhile, you're suspended in mid-air, still dizzy from the way everything changed so quickly. I say all this to say that this experience caused such dissonance in my head that you would have thought it was a much worse experience than what actually happened. And it was all because I couldn't make sense of it. I couldn't see the good being worked from the pain. I still don't, really. It would be so much easier for me to write this if I did. I've been through much more painful things with much more patience and faith, because I could see purpose for my pain in them. I was able to have a choice in the matter - between protecting myself and experiencing pain so that someone else might know the tiniest piece of the love of Christ. But this was different. I didn't see how God was working. I didn't have a choice. I felt tricked and exploited. And it didn't feel worth it.

I guess I'm writing this, feeling like I'm saying nothing, for precisely that reason. Although it's in the tiniest of situations for me, I can see how the bait-and-switch of life causes the most pain for those I sit with. I think that pain can be endured so gracefully and beautifully when we can see the poetry being written from it. But how do we live in the moments that seem completely nonsensical? What of the times when there is no beauty seen? When there seems to be no point? When the idea of hoping in a God who would play such cruel tricks is infuriating? When everything you knew about the world no longer adds up?

I've been learning lately that hope is intrinsicly painful. To hope means to acknowledge that the present is less than what it ought to be, less than what it is you hope for. Yet I think it is the only thing that brings any chance of joy. I pray that we can dare to hope tonight - embrace the longing that is a part of every soul in this world (for we were created for another world altogether) and know that there is reason and rhyme in every line of this lifesong, no matter how dissonant some of the notes may seem.

"Life is not what I thought it was 24 hours ago,
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with you,
And I'm not who I thought I was 24 hours ago,
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with you."
~ Switchfoot, Twenty-four

The 9th Thing I Love.

2010-09-22T16:32:00.005-04:00

# 9 - Long conversations with strangers. Preferably in coffee shops.

“We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody; beautiful, the mess we are; the honest cries of breaking hearts are better than a hallelujah.” ~ Amy Grant

I’ve had some incredible God moments the last few days. Maybe he’s trying to encourage me and show me that he’s with me as I delve into the depths of oft-uncomfortable self-awareness. Maybe he’s helping me learn who I am in him, so that I can better accept and face my mistakes, allowing me some freedom from the burden of my attempts at perfectionism. Maybe he’s teaching me how to offer myself some of the mercy that I tend to reserve for others. Or maybe he’s simply loving me - something that I can sadly forget in my efforts to serve him and love others. Regardless, I found myself stunned by a (warning, churchy phrase ahead) divine appointment today.
I was sitting in a coffee shop, reading a book for school and taking a break from transcribing my first "therapy" session. Although I wasn’t disheartened or even embarrassed by the recording, there were myriad things that I could have done better. Anyway, back to the coffee shop. I was packing up my things when I noticed an older man sitting near me. It was apparent to me that he had something heavy weighing on his mind, and I wondered if I should ask if he was okay. I kept watching him, and kept feeling that nudge in my heart to speak to him. I took my headphones out and caught his eye. Then I asked, “Waiting on someone?” It was an innocent way into conversation if he wanted to be engaged, and my hunch (AKA that kicking sensation the Holy Spirit uses sometimes) was right. This was a man who needed to talk. After a few moments of his story spilling out, he looked at me squarely and asked me, “Are you a Christian counselor?” I hadn’t spoken another word since my initial question to him. I was startled, but gave him the two sentence version of where I am in my life and where I plan to go. He nodded as if he already knew, and said, “I could just tell.” He continued to talk for about 30 minutes.
God used this stranger to remind me that, although I will make mistakes, he has called me to this profession and ministry. Though I may at times feel foolish, and though my errors may seem destructive or the skills may seem daunting, God has given me the ability to do that to which I have been called. I humbly give him my errors, and he beautifully weaves them with his grace and mercy into a tapestry of healing and wholeness. The picture will not be complete this side of heaven - for me, or for my clients. But if perhaps I can stay close to him, pressing into his chest and hearing his heart beat within me, I can catch glimpses of his artistry here on this earth. He is weaving it all together regardless of my participation or lack thereof. But I am so thankful that he allows my hand to rest on his from time to time, and my eyes to see what it is that he is making, if only in glimpses and snatches, as he pulls the beauty from our ashes.

The 10th Thing I Love.

2010-02-15T15:53:00.002-05:00

#10 - Lent.

I know it's a weird thing to love, but growing up in the protestant evangelical tradition, we didn't see a lot of emphasis placed on Lent. So it's a relatively new experience for me. The last several years, God has allowed me to have the most incredible, life-changing growth experiences during Lent. I know for a lot of people it's a pretty legalistic concept. But for me, it has transformed the relationship in which I live, breathe, and love.

I won't pretend to be an expert, because I'm far from one. In fact, a man named Buddy Odom helped me realize the richness of Lent's ancient tradition. You can find out more about him and his ministry here. In the meantime, here are a couple of things I've found helpful in my own 40 day annual journey.

First, if you give up something legalistic for Lent, it can end up being a pretty legalistic experience. Give up something that is meaningful, and pray about what you should give up before you do it. God will nudge your heart and let you know what might be interfering in your relationship with him.

Second, don't be afraid to give up NOT doing something. If there's a new habit you want to get into in your relationship with God, a 40 day commitment is a great way to jump start it.

Third, make sure that the thing you give up is something that is relevant to your relationship with God. For me, those are often things that allow me a pretense of control, or even coping mechanisms that keep me from taking my burdens to the feet of my loving Father.

Fourth, don't beat yourself up if you aren't perfect. Set up clear parameters and guidelines, but give yourself some grace. Remember, the one you're doing this for is all about grace, love, and mercy. :-)

Fifth, pray. If you struggle with what that means or think you need a formula to be able to pray, I encourage you to read Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference? by Philip Yancey. (I'll spoil the ending for you. You don't need a formula.) If you give up something that leaves you desperate, you'll suddenly find that you are praying more than you ever have, and probably in ways you never have. And that's okay. :-)

"For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings." Hosea 6:6

The 11th Thing I Love.

2009-10-08T09:20:00.000-04:00

#11 - Macs.

That's right. I'm no longer impartial. I'm not Switzerland, and I have an opinion on this issue that I am ready to voice. I have switched from the sidelines into the battle, and I'm jumping in on the Mac side. I was getting peripheral fire anyway, so I thought I might as well at least start defending myself. What did me in? Well, first of all, using one! I used PCs my whole life, then a job bought me a MacBook and I used it for a year. When it came time to buy my own computer, Mac was the only idea in my head. I didn't really consider a PC. But I still didn't think I was in the fight. It was when my computer crashed and people started taking shots at me instead of expressing sympathy at my lost data that I realized I needed to formulate my opinion and be ready to stand on it, because I was considered a part of the battle whether I wanted to be or not. That is when I became a Mac person. (Oh... And when they gave me a free iPod touch. That really helped their cause, too.)

But hasn't your hard drive crashed twice in two months, you ask? Why yes, yes it has. Well, 1.5 times actually. And if I can go through all this hassle and still love my computer at the end of the day (and the company that sold it to me), I think that's true love. Don't you wish you were in love with your computer? You do? I have a simple solution for you, my friend. Buy a Mac. Even if you don't like who it is on the inside, you've got to admit... it's a hottie! :-)

Insights from Pinocchio.

2009-07-24T21:23:00.004-04:00

I watched Pinocchio with a three year old tonight, and I had a profound revelation. (Only me, right? ha ha) It was at the part where Pinocchio and his father are trying to escape from the whale. Pretty scary stuff when you're three. She came and jumped into my lap, saying, "It's scary! It's scary! I'm done with this movie." I leaned down and said in my most reassuring tone, "Hey, don't worry. It's going to be okay." She looked up into my eyes, fear evident in her sweet face, and said, "But how do you know?" The answer that came out of my mouth stunned me. "Because I know the end of the story. I know it seems scary right now, and in a minute, it's going to seem very sad. But I promise, it's all going to be okay."

As the words passed from me to her, I knew that they were truly passing from God to me. So many times in our lives, everything at hand says this is scary. All we can see is the terror of this moment, and we can become consumed by fear as we face insurmountable "whales" in our own lives. Sometimes we even want to just turn this movie off and be done. But God knows the end of the story! And he has promised that it's all going to be okay. (See Romans 8:28 if you don't believe me.)

Pinocchio and his father escape the whale, but Pinocchio drowns. His father kneels at the end of the bed, crying, believing that nothing will bring back his precious son. This is the worst thing that could have happened. But then... his son is restored! And better than that, he has been transformed from a simple wooden puppet into "real boy." God can answer our prayers in ways that are so much better than we can ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). It may not be the answer we hoped for, but in the hands of God, redemption, restoration, and true healing are possible. So please, my friend, don't get lost in the fear or sadness of the moment. (And don't let me get lost in it either!) For something so much better is coming. There is hope. God will prevail, and he has a plan for you. He can restore your heart and bring healing to your story. Just trust him. After all, he knows the end of the story. :-)

Michael Jackson.

2009-06-26T19:48:00.005-04:00

I sat stunned yesterday as I read my friend DJ's Facebook status saying that the King of Pop had died. It was the kind of event that made me want to call the people I love and make sure they knew. I watched hours of coverage on television and kept refreshing Facebook and Twitter to see if I'd missed any information. I'm not really sure why. Don't get me wrong. The man was a musical genius and a revolutionary icon of pop culture. I loved his music as much as the next person who wasn't alive (or at least wasn't musically cognizant) for most of his best stuff.

Maybe I was stunned because Michael Jackson is a universally shared experience. Maybe I was sobered because his death came so unexpectedly (anyone else thinking of the preacher in Pollyanna right now?). Maybe my emotions were linked to the fact that the first song I ever slow danced to was "You are Not Alone," or because I danced it with a guy I never saw again.

But I think I was mostly sad because this man was miserable. He seemed so torn, so confused. Many people posted comments online that I considered to be rude and inappropriate. Just because people do horribly sinful things does not mean that they don't deserve love, respect, and forgiveness. If anyone needed peace, it was this man. You could see it in his face. He longed for peace of mind, relief from pain. I wish I could have told him that true peace really was available. I hope and pray that he found it in the moments before he passed.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." ~ Philippians 4:6-8

Is anyone out there? I pray that you find peace tonight.

**Update**
A friend posted this comment on another site, and I wanted to include this dialogue, just in case anyone else misunderstood my point of view on this...

"Did you not have an problem with the kids? I remember doing my freshman research paper on the issue."

You mean did I not have a problem with what he did to the kids? Of course! I think it was horrendous, and it is a truly disturbed person that will hurt a child. But even truly disturbed people are still people, and everyone needs forgiveness, love, and a certain degree of respect, no matter what they have done. God's love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). So I guess my point was that no matter how much wrong he did (or how much genius he left on the worlds of music and dance), he was a miserable man and I hope he found forgiveness and peace in the end, even though there is no evidence to that effect. I hope that explains my position a little better. Anyone that knows me hopefully knows that I believe in the rights of the weak and vulnerable more passionately than almost anything else.

The 12th Thing I Love.

2009-06-18T11:31:00.003-04:00

#12 - Kids.

I love children. I keep expecting myself to get to a point where they drain me or where I'm ready to give them back to their parents. But it has yet to come! I'm currently trying to make a career out of babysitting and nannying so that I can go to school this fall.

For those who may not know, I very recently lost my job at the missions organization where I've been working for the past year. They needed someone full time, and because of my decision to go to graduate school, I wasn't able to continue on more than a part time basis. So as I've been trying to figure out what I'm going to do, I have been trying to fill up all my time with hanging out with kids. Not just because I need the money (oh, how I need the money!). But when I'm caring for children, I feel connected to the world in such a unique way. I love seeing little snippets of their personalities and imagining the way that God will shape and form them into people that love him and serve him their whole lives. I love the innocence and excitement that governs all their decisions, and I love to watch revelations wash over their little faces. I love the way they do not hesitate to turn to others when something goes wrong in their lives, unabashedly asking for love and comfort and receiving it wholeheartedly. I love holding the tiny ones, rocking them, watching them fall asleep or laughing when they fight the inevitable yawns and heavy-lidded sighs.

I'm fully aware that mommies don't get to just hang out with their kids all day. There are chores to be done and so many stresses. That's why I love babysitting. I get to simply enjoy these beautiful hearts, putting my own stresses and worries aside, spoiling them with love and attention. I told my sister that I can't believe that I get to hang out with children, rock babies, and get loved on all day, while without fail picking up some new insight into how we as children relate to our Father.

So if you've ever let me watch your children, I'd just like to say thank you for the many blessings they have heaped upon my heart. And if you ever need someone to watch your children, I'd love to!

The 13th Thing I Love.

2009-05-20T09:26:00.002-04:00

#13 - Learning.

Ah, this one encompasses so much! I love learning new things, whether that involves becoming acquainted with a new culture, listening to a new style of music, going back to school (I may regret saying that later this fall! ha ha), participating in a new activity, listening to a person's story (see #14), reading a book (see #16), or sitting at the feet of someone much smarter than me and absorbing every grain of substance that I can. Most importantly though, I love when God allows me to go through trials and tough situations so that I can learn more about who he is and who he wants me to be. It's a bold statement, I know. I cringe a little as I write it, knowing some of the tough things I've experienced and things that have yet to come if I truly seek growth and refinement. But in the most difficult of circumstances, God has always (Thank you God for such grace!!!) allowed me the insight to know that good will come from them, and that I will be a stronger person for having been through them. "...we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5

So what's my most recent lesson? It's been a two part lesson in prayer and the sovereignty of God (with topical emphasis on hope thrown in to mix things up). It's funny how inextricably these concepts have been linked for me these past few months. In learning the value of prayer, God has allowed me to see how in control he really is. Therefore, talking to him (or begging him at times) is really the only way to hope for change! And what about getting our hopes up? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? The only answer I've come to so far is this... Hope is always a good thing when we're putting our hope in the only One who does not disappoint us.

These are things that I will never learn fully, but I pray I will never stop learning them. God, let me always be willing to learn, and please, never stop teaching me.

The 14th Thing I Love.

2009-03-17T10:20:00.004-04:00

#14 - A Great Story.

Whether hungrily devouring it in the pages of a memoir, listening to NPR, or sitting across from a friend (or stranger) with a cup of coffee, I cannot get enough of people's stories. I love the way that God works tiny, intricate details together into the greater picture of our lives, and of humanity. I love the seemingly insignificant decisions that in actuality lead a person down an entirely new path in life (well, when it's a good new direction at least). I'm usually sad when a book is over, because I know that the story doesn't end there. I want to continue to walk with the people through the rest of the story. I love journaling so that I don't miss these sorts of things in my own life. It's incredible to look back and see things that I'd forgotten, prayers that God has answered, decisions that fleshed out in a totally different way than I could ever have expected.
Isaiah 26:3 has been stuck in my head the last month or two. It says, "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." It's incredible to look back at horrendous situations in our lives and see how God worked it all out for his glory (Romans 8:28). It gives us hope in the new situations we encounter. The more we can look back and make sense of the stories of our lives (and the stories of the people we encounter), the easier it is to see that he truly is in control. It becomes easier to have faith in the tough times, and to find peace in the midst of trials, because we know that he is working. It might not ever make complete sense, but we trust in him, knowing that he will see us through.
Don't believe me? Read Daniel (or many other stories in the Bible... or the whole Bible itself for that matter) and look for illustrations of God's sovereignty. Incredible.

The 15th Thing I Love.

2009-03-06T23:19:00.003-05:00

#15 - Sales (and coupons).

I love sales. Not the occupation. Not that at all. Rather, the process of finding something at a great price. I am the princess of coupons (the queen, if you're wondering, is Lindsay McKaig). I orchestrate trips so that I'll be completely out of gas when I'm closest to the cheapest gas station. I sign up for mailing lists and sort through hundreds of spam messages so that I get the coupons and sale notices. Once it starts getting close to August, I basically refuse to go anywhere that I can't use a school coupon (that's when they expire, if you're wondering).

I don't think I've ever paid more than $20 for an article of clothing (except bridesmaid dresses, which are unfortunately not negotiable), including shoes and my high school prom dress. It was $20 and I wore it four times. I would typically rather go hungry than spend money on food. I can be easily pressured into something if you convince me that it's a good deal. I don't have a pantry, and the inability to stock up on food items when they're at their lowest cost physically pains me sometimes. I use gift cards and store credit cards to get "points" that may or may not save me money. I carry around a wallet full of frequent shoppers cards and coffee punch cards, and I get giddy when I get to redeem one of them (which is not very often, due to the fact that I usually go without in order not to spend money).

So, if anyone ever knows of good deals, coupons, or sales, pass them along! I get excited just knowing about them, even if I don't have the money to shop. :-)

The 16th Thing I Love.

2009-01-24T15:18:00.003-05:00

#16 - Books.

I LOVE reading, and I LOVE books. You might not know, but those are not in fact the same thing. People who love to read might love reading anything - magazines, captions, street signs, who knows. But then there are people who love books. I am one of those people. I love their smell, their feel, their sound. Yes, their sound. When you open a new book and the pages come apart for the first time, there is a sound. I judge books by their covers (sorry), and I get practically giddy when I have time to wander aimlessly around a book store (comfortable shoes and clothes you can sit on the floor in are a must for this to be a truly worthwhile experience).

I love books so much that my sister has forbidden me from buying more until I have the room (and the money) for additional book shelves. I own dozens of books that I haven't read and I've read dozens of books that I don't own. My favorite kind of book is probably a memoir. I love reading true stories of people's lives and cultures. I love learning from the way they deal with and analyze their experiences and emotions. I feel connected to the people I read about (whether real people or just really well written fiction).

Some of my favorites, you ask? I'll give you a couple from each section. Yes, my bookshelves have categorized sections. Go ahead and make fun.

Memoirs/Biographies - The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom, Wild Swans by Jung Chang, Long Walk to Freedom by Nelson Mandela, When Invisible Children Sing by Huang Tang, Mother Teresa by Kathryn Spink, Night by Elie Wiesel, Under the Overpass by Mike Yankoski

Christian Living - The Chase by Jerry Bridges, Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend, Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot, The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning, Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, The Wounded Spirit by Frank Peretti, Let the Nations Be Glad by John Piper, God's Big Picture by Vaughn Roberts, The Externally Focused Church by Russaw & Swanson, No Future without Forgiveness by Desmond Tutu, The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey

Fiction - Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver, Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux, The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis, The Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling, Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

I have other favorites listed under "favorite books" on my Facebook profile, as well as a list of what I'm currently reading, just in case you are interested.

The 17th Thing I Love.

2009-01-19T10:09:00.003-05:00

#17 - Snow!!!

Oh my goodness, I LOVE snow. There is such magical excitement in the air when it snows. It's like being a small child on Christmas morning all over again. I look up in the air and just feel pure joy and magic as the flakes fall on my face, clothes, and hair. And if we're lucky enough to get any accumulation whatsoever, it is impossible not to be struck by the way snow changes things.

I never cease to be amazed at the profundity of Christ's illustration that he will make our sins as white as snow. Everything is beautiful when it snows - even things that have no beauty by themselves. When snow falls, the ugly structure it falls upon is still there. It still exists. It is still ugly. But under a blanket of pure, white, perfect snow, it is made beautiful. It has no inherent beauty in itself, but because the snow covers it, it becomes beautiful.

Today I am thankful for not only the snow falling outside, but the snow of Christ's blood that makes us beautiful in him. Snow changes things. Christ's love changes things. I hope you experience that life changing love in a new, deeper way today.

Just for fun...

2009-01-07T16:09:00.002-05:00

This might drive you crazy, or you might love it. But someone gave it to me and it drove me crazy, so I thought I'd pass along the fun! :-)

Find 15 books of the Bible in the paragraph below. Don't let punctuation or word separation distract you. Good luck!

I once made a remark about the hidden books of the Bible. It was a lulu - kept people looking so hard for facts. To others it was a revelation. Some were in a jam, especially since the names of the books were not capitalized. But the truth finally struck home to numbers of our readers. To others it was a real job. We want it to be a most fascinating few moments for you. Yes, there will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may require judges to help them. I will quickly admit it usually takes a minister to find one of them, and there will be lamentations when it is found. A little lady says she brews a cup of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well you can compete. Relax now, there really are fifteen names of books of the Bible in this paragraph.

Let me know when you get stuck and need a hint! :-)

December Newsletter.

2008-12-16T15:22:00.003-05:00

We interrupt this sporadic blog series to bring you the link to the most recent One Vision International newsletter. http://freepdfhosting.com/bee064e62e.pdf Merry Christmas!!!

The 18th Thing I Love.

2008-11-21T14:11:00.002-05:00

#18 - Cooking.

Cooking is a pretty recent obsession for me, but over the last few years my love for it has steadily grown. I wish I had the time and money to cook every night! But I get to cook at least once a week when Savannah comes over for dinner. I get daily recipes from a wonderful website called AllRecipes.com. If you like cooking, you MUST check it out. You can search by type of food, by ingredients, by a specific recipe... You can save them in your own online recipe box, print out shopping lists, or print the recipe. And it's all free! I also get a fun little magazine called Everyday Food. I HATE dealing with the subscription department, but everything else about the magazine is great. And they are running some specials right now if you're interested.

Anyway, I'm not exactly sure what it is about cooking that appeals to me so much. Maybe it's the whole idea of "creating," the need for which is in all of us in some capacity because we are made in the image of the Creator. Maybe it's because it nurtures my unmet need to be "motherly." Maybe because it allows me to care for people on a basic level. Maybe because I'm halfway decent at it and enjoy the praise that comes from people whose bellies are happily full. It's probably a mixture of all of those. Oh, and throw in there the fact that I love food! My sister said in one of her posts that I feel the need to use a brand new recipe almost every time I cook. I guess she's right. There are just so many out there! How can you keep making the same ones unless they are simply all time favorites?

Here's one of my favorite recipes that I've stumbled on in recent years. It is SUPER easy and cheap, not to mention it tastes like something you'd get in an Indian restaurant! Orange Curried Chicken I use boneless chicken breasts and cut them up into bite sized pieces so they can be eaten in true Indian style. I serve it with sticky rice, edamame, and fake "naan" bread, which I make by buttering Mediterranean flat bread (you can buy it in the deli/bread sections of most grocery stores) and heating in a skillet. Enjoy! If you've never tried cooking, give it a try! It may turn out to be your favorite new hobby.

The 19th Thing I Love.

2008-10-30T17:13:00.003-04:00

#19 - Hot Beverages.

When it's cold or rainy outside, one of the most perfect things in the world is to snuggle up underneath a blanket with a good book and a mug of hot chocolate. When you've had a bad day, a White Chocolate Mocha from Starbucks may be just the ticket to cheer you up. Or when you've had a great day and need a small celebration, it might be time for a Caramel Latte from Panera. Regardless of the circumstances, there is something incredibly comforting and relaxing about holding a steaming mug of something yummy in your hands, pulling your feet up into whatever chair you've sunk into, and breathing in the aroma. The only thing that can make this little scenario better is a roaring fire in the fireplace. Those of us that aren't lucky enough to have a fireplace, though, can still enjoy the rest of the aspects with just two minutes in the microwave and a tea bag or packet of hot chocolate mix. The best things in life may be free, but this great thing costs less than $4 (considerably less if you go the homemade route instead of Starbucks or Panera). That's not too bad for a moment of tranquility. Plus, it comes with sugar and caffeine!!!

P.S. A little hot chocolate tip for you. Always make it with milk. If you don't have milk, use half water and half creamer! Very tasty. And you should probably add a little more hot chocolate mix than the package suggests. Two tablespoons? Try two HEAPING tablespoons! :-) Add marshmallows or whipped cream (from the spray can, of course) and enjoy!!

The 20th Thing I Love.

2008-10-20T15:06:00.002-04:00

#20 - Live Music.

There is not much in the world like watching an amazing musician and performer. To see anyone doing what they were created to do is a wonderful experience. But there is something specifically about live music that has always moved me.

I got to go to the symphony for free last Thursday night. I love classical music, and hearing it live always makes my soul feel as if it could float out of the building. As the strings played their sweet notes over the intricacies of dozens of instruments, I lost myself to a world of imagination. In moments like this, I see pictures and scenes flash before my closed eyes. I let emotion wash over me. I try to feel what the composer was feeling when he wrote those notes so many years and so many worlds ago. It takes me back in time. It ushers peace and contemplation into my soul. It gives me a time in my life where I can relax and simply enjoy the gifts that God has given to those around me.

There are certain kinds of music that effect me profoundly when I hear them live, even though I may not ever listen to CDs of that style. There is just something about the live performance that changes things. Next I really want to see someone who can capture all the beauty of the world of jazz as I sit at a corner table in some intimate little hole in the wall.

Some other shows that I've thoroughly enjoyed include (but are definitely not limited to): Blindside, Scratch Track, Slow Runner, Nathan Angelo, Michael Buble, Josh Groban, Bleach, Switchfoot, Skillet, Jennifer Knapp, P.O.D., Jim Brickman, Fundamental Elements, and Half Price Hero. If any of them are touring near you, go see them!

The 21st Thing I Love.

2008-10-14T10:44:00.002-04:00

#21 - The Sky.

I don't even know where to begin. I have been obsessed with the sky for as long as I can remember. When I used to write songs, almost every single one of them had some sort of sky reference in it. I cannot watch a sunset or sunrise without having an emotional reaction to it. A huge part of that is the fact that the vastness and beauty of the sky always reminds me of our Creator, and makes me thankful for the beauty he has given us. The Bible says that the "heavens declare the glory of God and the skies proclaim the work of his hands" (Psalm 19:1). God has given me so many lessons in the skies, speaking clearly to my heart in front of the entire world.

The ever-changing beauty of the sky constantly amazes me. Many times I have almost run my car off the road trying to take a picture in order to capture its grandeur. Each moment holds something different than the one before, and different than any other moment in history. I think the sky is the reason I love the ocean, the mountains, and many of my other favorite places in nature. When the sky reaches down to touch the earth, whether over a vast ocean in South Africa or atop majestic mountains rolling over the countryside of China, the people who see it are moved. We are without excuse (Romans 1:20).

Take the time to notice some of our beautiful sunsets this fall. The last week or so has been full of amazing ones.

The 22nd Thing I Love.

2008-10-14T10:36:00.003-04:00

#22 - I love John Piper.

No really. I mean, I wish the man had unmarried sons so that I could have him as a father-in-law! Seriously, though, I love his depth of insight, his perspective, and his heart. He finds a way to bring glory to God in every aspect of life, and his theological insights are dumbfounding. If you've never read any of his books or blogs, you definitely should. They are slow reads because each sentence basically knocks you over with its theological implications, but it's well worth it.

You can get all of his sermons and a lot of his writings for free at www.desiringgod.com.

The 23rd Thing I Love.

2008-10-02T10:08:00.002-04:00

#23 - I love football.

While this has not always been a true statement, it has been profoundly true the last 5 years or so. It all started when I began cheering for UT because of a classmate who played on the team. After being a part of Neyland Stadium at capacity (over 107,000 people), I was simply hooked.

I attended a football chapel as part of Love United Gospel Choir and was deeply impressed by the heart felt prayer of a man named Gibril Wilson. Then he went to play for the NY Giants, and my true obsession was born.

The hard hitting, the intricate rules, the players that stand out as examples to young men everywhere, and the Manning brother commercials are just a few of the things I LOVE about football. I don't remember what Sunday afternoons in the fall were like before football. Thankfully, I don't have to.

GO GIANTS!!! 3-0, baby!!!

The 24th Thing I Love.

2008-09-19T09:15:00.002-04:00

#24 - I LOVE in depth Bible study.

If you've never participated in a Bible study where you watched meaning scream into your heart from a few verses (or even a few words), you are missing out. You read a verse that seems pretty straightforward, or maybe boring, or maybe over your head. Then you begin to break it down. Maybe you look up the Greek or Hebrew words to find out what the author was really trying to get out. Then you watch the Scripture literally come alive before you, tugging at your heart, waking up your mind, giving you a glimpse into a meaning and understanding you never could have imagined from a few tiny words.

It is incredible the way that no matter how deeply you delve into the rich treasures that lie within Scripture, you can always go deeper the next time. You can always see something new that you never saw before. And as God reveals his purpose and character in the Bible, we shift from seeing it as a rule book to seeing the most beautiful love story ever written, motivating us to live from the inside out. "We love because he has first loved us." 1 John 4:19

These pages, so full of life, beauty, and meaning, were written for me! They are to be kept close to my heart, treasured like a middle school girl treasures her first love note. But where human love will fail us, the One who wrote us this love letter is always faithful, and he loves us more than we could ever dare to hope. His love letter is full of truth as well as love, without trite promises and unrealistic vows. Every thing he said in the Bible... he can back it up. I hope you will take a few minutes to go deep into a scripture today and fall in love with the Bible and with God.

P.S. If you want to be part of a Bible study like this, drop me a line and I'll do what I can to help you find one in your area!

25 Things I Love

2008-09-18T15:22:00.002-04:00

So, I'm stealing this idea from Tara-Leigh Cobble, a girl I've never met but feel like could be one of my best friends. She is doing a blog series on 25 things she loves, in no particular order. So I am going to do the same.

#25 - I LOVE my friends.

Again, let me reiterate that these are in no particular order, because my friends would be much higher than number 25 were they ranked!!

God has given me the most amazing, incredible friends anyone could ever ask for. If something bad happens in my life, there are dozens of people I know I can call and rely on to love me, listen to me, pray for me, and point me to Christ. Praise God. I couldn't live this life without them. Many of you live entirely too far away, by the way.

One of you (I don't know if you will read this or not) may be feeling like you let me down. But let me tell you that I cannot even begin to comprehend the love that God has given me for you. As long as God continues to forgive me, I pray that he will give me the grace to do the same. All I want in this world is for you simply to come home to rest in the arms of Christ. I'll be here when you do.

"If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" Ecclesiastes 4:10

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command." John 15:12-14

"Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." 1 John 4:11

Little crosses.

2008-08-27T14:55:00.002-04:00

"The offenses which come against us do not cause us to sin, they simply reveal what sin is already there and needs to be addressed. And so, may we praise the Lord for the little crosses in our lives which if handled by the Spirit can bring greater peace and deeper wisdom to us."

Wow. For the rest of that blog, click here.

I miss football.

2008-08-19T22:13:00.001-04:00

This video is hilarious!!!

Me too, boys. Me too.

God’s presence in the godforsaken.

2008-08-18T12:17:00.000-04:00

I've heard Haiti described in many ways. I've heard it called a "black hole" for donors and ministries because of its crippling generational poverty. I've heard that it is a "God-forsaken" place because of voodoo's grip there. Yet as I stood on a balcony in the Dominican Republic, looking out over the mountains and valleys of Haiti, I felt something different. God's presence with and unique passion for the downtrodden and oppressed are undeniable. Why, therefore, should we be surprised to find him there? As bolts of lightening sprinted rapidly across the sky and a gentle breeze whispered through my hair, I gazed at the power and beauty being displayed in front of my eyes, over the Haitian landscape. And in my spirit, I heard the Lord say, "See? I AM in Haiti."

"To the LORD your God belong the heavens, even the highest heavens, the earth and everything in it. For the LORD your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing. He is your praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes." - Deuteronomy 10:14, 17, 18, 21

Lessons in Love and Community.

2008-07-30T10:41:00.002-04:00

We were not meant to live life alone. We are designed to be a part of a community. (Please take a moment to read this incredible blog talking about the importance of such things: To Write Love on Her Arms.) God created marriage, family, and the church to meet these needs in part. But most of all, he gives us the opportunity, through the death of his son, to have a constant, meaningful, fulfilling relationship with him. He promises to never leave us or forsake us. He puts people in our paths, if even for a short time, to encourage us and point us toward him. But even these beautiful things like family and friends and church will pass away. Nothing is constant except the love of our Creator. He is without time, and without limits. He not only loves us, but he IS love. We cannot even begin to love unless we first accept his love. He gives us relationships to teach us about our relationship with him.

I have learned so many deep lessons about God's love. I learned one when my heart was broken, realizing that the way a person turned from me is the way that I turn from God. The Rocket Summer has an incredible song that says, "I will say that I'm true to you. But I'm a cheat. I don't understand. So I'll run to you." That lyric resonates so deeply with me. We cheat on God all the time. We promise to love him and serve him out of gratitude (not obligation) for the love that he has lavished on us. Yet we turn to other relationships, material possessions, or the worldly pursuits of success or pride. We cheat on him the way a spouse or boyfriend cheats, saying from one side of our mouths that we love him while kissing the enticement of sin with the other.

Another lesson I've learned from the same relationship, now redeemed through God's forgiveness and mercy, is the way that God can love us despite our mistakes. I learned to love with grace and forgiveness when God allowed me to share a bit of the pain he feels at our cheating on him. Now I learn the other side, as I see my constant failures, selfish desires, and the perceived need for control that I so desperately fight, and I know that I am loved despite my shortcomings. I feel the love that flows over me no matter my current state, whether that be one of insecurity, selfishness, or any other offense. I can do nothing to earn the love of God. He can love me no more than he already does. He can love me no less than he already does. This is a lesson that I am continuing to learn from a man that loves me in a way I never imagined being loved.

No matter God's plan, I am thankful for the lessons that he continues to give me. I am thankful that he has designed us to live in community, constantly growing and helping others to grow "as iron sharpens iron." I am immensely thankful for each friend, love, acquaintance, or even sunset that brings me closer to God and mirrors a part of my relationship with him, helping me climb closer to the goal for which I am constantly striving - to be more like him, to love more like him, to learn to rest in the love that he has for me.

To read a truly wise woman's words on what God has revealed to her about his unchanging love, click here: Kerry Hasenbalg's Blog.

Completed project, One Vision, and more.

2008-07-07T15:20:00.001-04:00

Well, I actually finished my orphan care project and thereby my job at ProVision. I was beginning to doubt that it would ever happen! If you're interested, I would love to send you the final project. It's called, "In the Image of God: An Overview of the Needs, Strategies, and Trends in Orphan Care." Just send me your e-mail address and I'll e-mail you a pdf. I presented my findings to the staff one week ago today (my 26th birthday, which I have long dreaded truth be told), then realized with a jolt that it was my last day at that job. That was sad, but luckily, I had basically zero time to process. ha ha

The very next day, last Tuesday, I began my job at One Vision International! Can I tell you how much I love my job already? Granted, I haven't really done much yet (other than have a giant ordeal trying to get our tax exemption at Staples just now - they are the antithesis of an easy button). But it's exciting just to be here. Oh, and there's the added bonus that my work computer is a Macbook. Yeah. Nice.

On Saturday, I'm taking a group down to the Dominican Republic to see where we've been working. This means that I get to meet the 45 kids or so that will be moving into the orphanage that is currently being constructed in Jimani. (Or just outside it? I'm not quite sure.) I cannot wait! Also, this trip includes the entire Denton family, which always means fun. In the meantime, I'm trying to get a filing system set up, write some boring documents about how many vacation hours we get and stuff like that, get an office phone, and create organizational systems, application forms, etc.

My sister and I are enjoying the house. My amazing cousin Bekah and her friend Ashley came to stay with us last week, and I miss them already! Amy became addicted to Guitar Hero to the point where she is going through withdrawal and listening to the classic rock station just to get her fix. You should probably mock her for that. While you're mocking her, you should check out my new profile picture and mock her for that too.

Well, I just wanted to let you guys know that the transition is complete! I shouldn't be moving offices, homes, or jobs anytime soon! Praise God. In the last six months, I have had three different jobs, four different offices, two different living places (and almost no living place), and who knows what else. Hopefully this is the beginning of some sort of consistency. ha ha And yes, I realize that as soon as I say something like that, the world turns upside down. I think mine is turning upside down in a good way, though.

Orphan Care Project.

2008-06-25T18:18:00.001-04:00

That's right! Get it here first. :-) I'm writing my giant orphan care project this week and thought I might post a few excerpts to get some feedback as I write. (This means that you need to leave comments quickly, as I should finish writing Thursday or Friday.)

If anything doesn't flow well, if you get bored and can't make it to the end, or if you catch any grammatical errors, please let me know! Also, although you'll see my footnoted citations (which did not copy and paste well, as you can see by their formatting inconsistency), you don't have access to my bibliography, so don't charge me with plagiarizing! Just ask me for the source. :-)

This section is the "Biblical Mandate" to care for orphans section. It's a little theology heavy, which I did not intend. Let me know (especially you, Bryan) if I'm making any theologically off the wall statements.

"I know there is a God, and that He hates injustice and slavery. I see the storm coming, and I know that His hand is in it. If He has a place and work for me – and I think He has – I believe I am ready. I am nothing, but truth is everything. I know I am right because I know that liberty is right, for Christ teaches it, and Christ is God."1

~ Abraham Lincoln

The Bible is full of reasons why we should care for the orphans in the world, and there are many verses that explicitly tell us to do so. Perhaps the most commonly quoted is James 1:27, which says, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."2 Deuteronomy 10:18 says that God "defends the cause of the fatherless."3 Isaiah 1:17 tells us to do the same. "Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow."4 But even without these verses, what we know of Jesus and his character in Scripture tells us that he cares for the people on the outskirts of society, the weak, the downtrodden, the vulnerable. Even his choice of friends and followers reflected his heart for the marginalized. Upon his return,

"He's going to separate us into two groups – those who saw the hurting… and helped, and those who kept on walking. Interestingly, the people God says we are to help are those who can never repay us – orphans, the elderly, and widows. They're vulnerable. When you give someone something without any expectation of getting anything in return, Jesus said, this is what I see and feel. In other words, whatever we do for the least of these, we're doing for Him. It's not our job to figure out if the parents were good or bad for abandoning their child. It is our job to see the need and help."5

Also inherent in our need to care for the vulnerable is the dignity with which we were all created. Believing that every person is unique with God-given dignity is the first of seven statements developed by Fuller Theological Seminary, VIVA Network, World Vision, and other leaders in the field as part of a Biblical framework presented in the book Understanding God's Heart for Children. The framework.6 is an incredibly helpful tool in looking at our theological reasons for working with orphans and other vulnerable children. The discussion put forth by these ministry leaders is one that is necessary so that we can all work together toward the same end results and vastly increase the effectiveness of our efforts. Addressing the issue of this innate human dignity (innate not of our own worth but rather the worth of the One who created us), Alemu Beeftu said,

"Dignity is not about capability, giftedness, culture, social conditions, or economic status. It is God-given. Accepting human dignity is recognizing and honoring God the Creator and Redeemer, as well as Jesus Christ, who came as a child to save us. The incarnation of the Lord Jesus Christ is proof of human dignity. He was born as a child and grew up with uniqueness as an individual person to do the will of his Father. Affirming and celebrating the uniqueness of individuals is acknowledging God's purpose and destiny for them, determined by God, for the praise of his name."7

This intrinsic dignity comes from our divine Creator. He chose to make us in his image, giving us the privilege of seeing his reflection in the faces of the people around us. In his work with orphaned and abandoned street children, Dr. Chi Huang was once asked if he was there because he loved God. He responded, "Yes…That is the underlying reason for most of what I do in life. I'd rather be here than anywhere else in the world. Because I like to see children enjoy being children again. Because I see the face of God in every child."8 This theme was also a central one for Mother Teresa, who was known for seeing the "face of God in every suffering human being."9

Romans 8:20 says, "Against its will, everything on earth was subjected to God's curse."10 This includes families. These broken families become the orphans and widows, the vulnerable and abandoned. "Collectively, we face the challenges to parents and families: pain, suffering, broken relationships, civil conflict, chronic poverty, and disease, because all of God's creation has been impacted by Adam's sin."11

"…life in relationship with God was intended to be full of care and protection. The problem with this idyllic scenario is that our experience with children living in risky environments mocks the ideals of God's created order…. what do we offer children who suffer the cruelties of poverty, abandonment, and abuse?"12

When we find ourselves overwhelmed by the sorrow in this world, by the injustice in the lives of the innocent, by the horrors inflicted upon people made in the image of Christ himself, I think it is natural to ask the question, "Why?" Our sin has wreaked havoc on the world. But in the midst of the stench of iniquity, we must know two things. First, no matter how broken our hearts are at the state of the world, God's heart is infinitely more broken. And second, heaven holds the promise of restoration and healing. But even while we find hope in the promise of heaven, for the sake of "those suffering today, we cannot be 'blinded' by the light of heaven. Instead, we must be diligent in our work to cry out against injustice and seek as churches and individuals to rectify the injustices that others face."13

John 14:18 says, "No, I will not abandon you as orphans – I will come to you."14 He has given us the opportunity to be his hands and feet, reaching out to the ones he promised not to abandon. To love the ones God loves as he would love them is not an easy call. There will be both success and failure. But to deny our responsibility to them, to turn from what God has commanded, is a fate far worse than the most dismal failure made while trying.

"She savors the razor slash… until she finally feels something other than heartache and emptiness. I have failed. Failed tremendously. I could not draw the girl out of Mercedes; I could not make her feel loved. Perhaps the toughest maneuver of the streets is to accept love. Should I take up the responsibility of teasing out the youthfulness of broken children? If I don't, who will?"15

1Alexander, R.

2 The Holy Bible. New International Version.

3 The Holy Bible. New International Version.

4 The Holy Bible. New International Version.

5 Bentley, L. M., 137-138.

6 To read all seven statements with a few sentences of commentary, see Appendix B.

7 Douglas McConnell, 12.

8 Dr. Chi Huang, 225-226.

9 Crossette, B.

10 The Holy Bible. New Living Translation.

11Douglas McConnell, 67.

12 Douglas McConnell, 15.

13 Douglas McConnell, 150.

14 The Holy Bible. New Living Translation.

15 Dr. Chi Huang, 50-51.

In Memory of Maria.

2008-06-06T13:49:00.000-04:00

By now, I'm sure that all of you have heard about the tragic death of Maria Sue Chapman, the youngest daughter of Christian music artist Steven Curtis Chapman. If you haven't, you can find the story here.

The site below has links to blogs about the beauty that can come from such tragic suffering, the story of Maria's short but full life, pictures from her memorial service, and more. For those of you who, like me, feel connected to this tragedy because of the light Steven Curtis Chapman has been in our own lives, this site has resources that not only help you articulate grief for our brothers and sisters, but recognize the power of God and the beauty there is in his ability to work all things together for good. Definitely take time to read some of Kerry Hasenbalg's blogs that speak into this grief from her own experience of losing a daughter. The tragedy of this world is unspeakable, but God be praised for his joy which sustains and his peace that surpasses our understanding.

Remembering Maria

"We can cry with hope. We can say goodbye with hope. For we know our goodbyes are not the end." ~ Steven Curtis Chapman, "With Hope"

Charles Wesley Article.

2008-06-05T14:25:00.000-04:00

Okay, I apologize for posting two blogs in two days after posting nothing for a month, but I just can't resist posting this article. It is such an incredibly stirring account! No commentary. Just read it for yourself and let me know what you think.

Charles Wesley's Radical, Fruitful Risk

When Invisible Children Sing.

2008-06-03T11:34:00.000-04:00

"'I have been looking for you,' I tell him. 'You can't find me. I am invisible.'"
~ When Invisible Children Sing

People are not invisible. They simply are not. We can choose to believe that they are. We can ostracize them until they believe they are. That is the story reflected in the quote above.

A little boy has lived his whole life unseen by the people who are supposed to not only notice him, but love him, care for him, sing over him. He finally agrees to come to an orphanage where he can be educated and safe after living his whole life on the streets. Then he stabs another child and regresses back, shrinking into the familiarity of perceived invisibility. But God sees us all. We need not shrink from him. He sees us with our good and our bad intermixed. We are not good people. "No one is righteous, not even one." Romans 3:10. But when he sees us, full of fault, he sees the blanket of righteousness given in the sacrifice of his holy and pure son. He sees the love the he has lavished upon us so that we may be his children (1 John 3:1).

Maybe you feel invisible. Maybe you do not cherish the lives of those who do feel invisible. (I think we all fit both descriptions at various times in our lives.) But God's love shines through. Not only are you loved, but you are known and loved. He sees you. He loves you. You are not invisible. There is hope. There is unceasing potential in someone who knows he or she is truly, unabashedly loved and is freed to love others the same way that Christ loves us. God, may that be the aspiration and prayer of us all. Let us receive your love that we may give it.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us." ~ 1 John 4:18-19

Enemies of Injustice.

2008-05-09T09:25:00.000-04:00

The following link is to a speech that was given in front of 22,000 college students at Urbana 2006. It is a call to become an enemy of injustice. It is very well written, and its stories of rescue and redemption brought me to tears. It is well worth the small amount of time it will take you to read it.

Please read it here and leave me a comment letting me know what you think. If you are like me, you will want to find some way of expressing the deep emotion it provokes in your spirit. I pray that it moves us all to not only feel, but to act.

"He will rescue them from oppression and violence, for
precious is their blood in his sight." ~ Psalm 72:14

Headlines from my life.

2008-05-06T11:14:00.001-04:00

There are a lot of things going on in my life, and I haven't spoken to a lot of you since many of these new developments. So, this is a catch-all update blog. Hopefully this will prevent me from forgetting to tell someone something important and telling someone else twice instead.

Item 1 - Friends.
Jason and Ryan are both out and doing very well. It is crazily wonderful to have them around again. Ryan is working at the car dealership with my Dad and Jason is working a few different jobs, still looking for something dependable and steady. Both are saving up for a place to live. Jason just bought a car and Ryan is still trying to save up enough money to get his driver's license reinstated. Please continue to pray for them as they adjust to life outside the walls and try to carry their responsibilities with honor, integrity, and strength and love rooted in Christ.

Item 2 - Residence.
My sister and I are buying a house! I think most of you probably knew that already. We were supposed to close yesterday, but our mortgage basically exploded over the weekend (while we were both out of town) and we had to run around like crazy people all day yesterday trying to fix everything. Hopefully, we are all set at this point and lack only the final walkthrough. We are supposed to close Friday afternoon, and we'll be moving all day Saturday (the 10th). In true Smith fashion, we began packing last night! Feel free to come lend a hand! :-)

Item 3 - Work.
My job at ProVision is going well. I have two more months in which to finish my orphan care research and write a large document detailing my findings. I just got back from the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit last weekend in Ft. Lauderdale. It was incredible to be around people who are passionate about the same things I'm passionate about. And it allowed me to soak in information from people who have been doing this for longer than I've been alive, which is always a great resource. I could write a series of blogs about the conference alone (in fact, I might post my summaries later). My work is also moving offices, which means that I not only have to pack and move everything at my home, but also at my office. ha ha

Item 4 - Future Work.
Details are still being nailed down (which makes me nervous, as I'm a habitual planner), but the plan is still for me to begin working full time with One Vision International in July. If you are interested in financially supporting the administrative needs of this organization (i.e. my salary), please contact me for more information on how you can do so. There are also many opportunities to get involved with One Vision, including pancake breakfasts, a golf tournament, and of course, tons of different mission trips happening this summer! Let me know if any of this peaks your interest!

Item 5 - Family.
My grandfather passed away last week after a long and painful battle with cancer. He loved the Lord with all his heart and was a faithful servant, loving husband, and incredible grandfather. His love for us, his passion for the gospel, and his unremitting sense of humor will be deeply missed. But we are thankful that he is no longer suffering and is with his Lord, Savior, and Treasure Jesus Christ. Desiring God had a great blog this morning about the death of the apostle James, and it really helped me as I think about my grandfather and his life. I was unable to go to the funeral because of the conference (a very, very difficult choice for me), but my family told me that he was buried with one of his favorite books that I bought for him. Even though I know material things mean even less now than they did when he was alive, it helps me feel closer to him.

Well, I'm trying to think of anything I've forgotten, but I'm coming up blank. My sister and I are both under a lot of stress right now, so if you get a chance, say a little prayer for us! I'm sorry if I've missed any of your calls recently. Hopefully this helps explain (though not excuse) my recent lack of communication. Leave me some love!! Yes, I equate blog comments with love. I'm high maintenance and irrational like that. :-)

Be still and know...

2008-04-15T12:03:00.000-04:00

Hundreds of words are swirling in my head, and I know that I will be unable to capture even a fraction of them here with any sort of clarity.

I could write about the millions of hurting children in the world. I could write about three that I know and love particularly. I could write about the intricate ways that God orchestrates the details of our lives so that we have ample opportunity to get out of our own ways and into his. I could write about a recent resurgence of feelings of inadequacy that all but cripple my ability to work or be the type of friend I am called to be. I could write a book of apologies for my failures to love my friends and family the way that Christ loves me. I could write of my greatest hopes and my greatest fears (the greatest fear being - of course - the inability to attain my greatest hope).

But instead, I will write this: God is incomprehensibly in control of his creation. When all the words, stress, thoughts, fears, and failures threaten to consume your mind, know that you can rest in the mighty arms of the one who made you, the one who knows you, the one who loves you beyond any sort of measure, and simply be there, at peace, resting in his ability to cover any inadequacy, any mistake. Know that in him, there is peace, love, joy, and comfort when all the swirling makes no sense.

"Be still, and know that I am God." ~ Psalm 46:10

Response to a Friend.

2008-04-08T08:00:00.000-04:00

I wrote the following note as a response to a friend asking for some advice about a relationship that she is considering. As I read back over it, it served as a tremendous reminder to me. I thought I would include it (without her personal details, of course) in case any of you might be interested in reading a bit of my take on this kind of stuff. You’re probably not interested, but those are the kind of self involved, grandios notions that blogging encourages, right? So, here goes.

"...As far as [this guy] goes, I would be really careful. It is so easy to fall in love with potential and then end up being hurt by reality when someone chooses not to reach their potential. Believe me. I have been through this time and time again. If you have questions about [his] spiritual strength, I would take that VERY seriously. That is the cornerstone of a relationship (I know you know that), and if he cannot be a spiritual leader and encourager in your life, you will be fighting a very steep battle in order to try and grow spiritually yourself.

He does not necessarily have to be able to pick you up when you fall. But he needs to be strong enough to point you to the only One who really can pick you up! If he tries to help you on his own, without pointing you to the never-ending, compassionate strength of our Heavenly Father, you will both fail.

Anyway, you know my take on this kind of stuff. This is always my question - Do you glorify God more together than you do apart? Do you have a closer relationship with Christ because he is constantly challenging you to grow spiritually? If not, I have to ask if this is truly the guy for you.

Now, that doesn’t mean that I always do the right thing, even when I know what I should do. Enter every relationship I’ve ever had. But that is the standard. Not holding myself to the standard that we have been given as Christian women is the reason that I have been heartbroken time and time again. And if a guy ever meets that standard, I will know that the relationship has God’s blessing - that he has designed us to be together.

Anyway, that’s all just a bit of rambling from my opinionated little brain. Hopefully it’s not too off the wall for you. I’d love to talk more about this with you, though. I know sometimes it can help just to talk things through."

I know that it is so hard to be lonely. It’s so easy to long for someone with whom to share your life, to talk to about your day, to wipe away your tears. Disney taught us to look for Prince Charming in order to live happily ever after. And it can be devastating when he doesn’t show or doesn’t turn out to be so charming. But know that our Heavenly Father has a plan for our lives, whether or not that involves a guy. In his plan, we find value, fulfillment, and purpose for our lives. With those things, you don’t miss having a hand to hold quite so much. And if you are following the path that God has laid out for you, that is the only place where you will meet the person that he intends to be a part of your path. Follow Christ, and everything else will fall into its perfect place and time.

A Real Life Hero.

2008-03-31T11:00:00.001-04:00

I just listened to a story on NPR’s Storycorps (a very cool segment) that I thought I would share. Talk about going the extra mile! This story inspired me and reminded me of the kind of person that I hope to be. This man’s simple actions in the midst of his daily life have probably transformed a life forever. Changing a life - that can not be overstated. It is why we’re here on this globe. Some may not believe in greater purpose. But stories like this inspire me to keep striving to be more like Christ, to be less consumed by my own life, and to be aware of each and every tiny moment with the power to change the course of history.

We so rarely think of our daily decisions as impacting anything substantial. But when you turn around one day and ask how you got here, how you ended up at this point in your life, I believe you are forced to look back and see the impact that each tiny decision had in bringing you to your current state. Writing a letter to a stranger can lead you to your best friend. Turning left instead of right can save your life. Going to one meeting can introduce you to your future boss and put in place a path for the rest of your life. Live each moment as if it matters. Because, believe me, it does.

God, in his sovereignty, has orchestrated our lives into a complex puzzle of choices and "coincidences" that we cannot understand because we cannot see the complete picture. So it is up to us to simply be faithful and carefully consider each step along the way. We often will not understand. But I am grateful for a God that is so high above me that I cannot fathom his ways. If I, in my limited mental capacity, could figure him out... well, he would not be God.

Anyway, I didn’t mean to ramble so much. Listen to the story here.

Update on Kenya.

2008-02-29T20:14:00.000-05:00

This blog is a follow up to my earlier blog, "In Common Bond United." If you didn't read that one, I basically gave a very brief overview of the situation in Kenya and posted a couple of relevant articles. For those of you who have been faithfully praying for our brothers and sisters there, I wanted to provide an update. The government and opposition leaders have signed a power sharing agreement brokered by Kofi Annan. This is wonderful news, and will hopefully allow the country to put the violence of the past two months behind them. But there has been so much damage done. Last I heard, over 1,000 people had been killed and hundreds of thousands have been displaced. Please continue to pray for this beautiful country, that they will reconcile and come together as a nation and see each other as people made in the image of God. We thank God for this victory, and pray that it is the first of many to come. Below is a link to the NY Times article on the peace agreement.

Kenya Rivals Reach Peace Agreement

The Story of Stuff.

2008-02-26T20:13:00.000-05:00

I thought this was an interesting video that others might like to see. It's about 20 minutes long, and it deals with issues that we should all care about as consumers, and most importantly, as stewards of this earth. Make sure you click on the resources link after you watch the video to find out what we can do about issues like these. Let me know what you think!

The Story of Stuff

Lincoln article and quiet time input.

2008-02-13T20:13:00.000-05:00

Going through my seemingly infinite amount of daily e-mail subscriptions, I came across a good article written by John Piper yesterday in honor of Abraham Lincoln's birthday. My favorite part of the article is actually a quote he includes by Alexander Solzhenitsyn, a man who was imprisoned in Joseph Stalin's "corrective labor camps." It's a great article, so check it out here: Abraham Lincoln's Path.

Not only did I want to share that, but I wanted to ask all of you a question. I am nearing completion on a three year long study reading through the whole Bible in my quiet time, and I'm trying to decide what to study next. Unfortunately, the plan was only for one year, but I'm a horribly sinful person who often prioritizes things like the snooze button over my quiet time. Plus, I tend to want to read one verse over and over and think a lot about that instead of reading chapters at a time like they suggest. Anyway, I wanted some help from you guys as I decide what to do next. So here are my questions.

Do you have a regular quiet time?
Is there a basic outline for what you do?
How do you pick what you read in your quiet time? Do you go book by book, topic by topic, verse by verse?
Do you use external materials in your quiet time?
How the heck do you get out of bed in the morning?

I really do want you guys to answer. You can send me a message if you don't want to leave a comment. Happy commenting!

In common bond united...

2008-01-28T20:12:00.000-05:00

For those who may not be aware of the horror that is sweeping the nation of Kenya right now, I wanted to post a couple of the more recent articles I've found.

Right after a botched election almost a month ago, hundreds of people were killed as anger and political unrest divided the country along tribal lines. The violence in Kenya is continuing, and appears to be increasing after a few weeks of smaller scale protests and attempts at peaceful demonstrations. The elected government and the opposition, who claim to have won the election, still refuse to work together to put this behind them and move forward.

Please continue to pray for Kenya. The first article paints a picture without much hope, but read on to the last sentence. There is always hope to be found. We just have to remember where to look for it. The second article provides an even more up to date look at what the violence is doing to this beautiful nation.

Ethnic Violence in Rift Valley is Tearing Kenya Apart

19 Burned to Death in Violence in Kenya

These are some of the lyrics to the Kenyan national anthem, and a fitting prayer in this time of struggle.

Oh God of all creation
Bless this our land and nation
Justice be our shield and defender
May we dwell in unity
Peace and liberty
Plenty be found within our borders
...Let all with one accord
In common bond united
Build this our nation together

Super Bowl Contest Essay.

2008-01-22T20:11:00.000-05:00

So, Lindsay sent me a link to enter a contest to win a trip to the Super Bowl if you can make a case that you are the Giants' biggest fan. I entered even though I didn't feel quite worthy, having never even seen the Meadowlands. This is the essay I included with my submission. I thought I should at least get a blog out of it, since it will likely not make it past round one of a contest with people who paint their bodies ane wear next to no clothing in freezing weather. Oh well. Go Giants!!!! Here's the essay.

I love football, and I was very impressed by Gibril Wilson when he played at Tennessee (where I went to college). When he got drafted to the Giants in 2004, I started watching them. I loved Eli Manning, too, and they went to the team at the same time. Thus began the passion. The more I watched, the more I loved this team. They went through adversity and countless challenges, but still managed to work hard enough to keep their heads above water. Eli Manning has more pressure on him than probably any other player in the league. Not only does he have all the pressure of a quarterback, but he has the world's biggest shadow to live in. Make that two shadows. He has borne the burden with class and dignity, never taking a cheap shot when it presented itself, always choosing to keep his mouth shut and let his character speak through his actions. He has a strong, quiet leadership and a tremendous work ethic, and we are seeing that pay off. The Giants may not have the talent that the Patriots have (although that point could be argued), but they have the hearts of champions. This season is the stuff of legend. No one thought they could do it. But regardless of the prospects of the team in any given year, if you're a true fan, you stick with them. And now here we are. At the Super Bowl. Playing the yet unbeaten Patriots. Win or lose, I am proud of this team and the amazing journey they've begun together.

I can tell you all about how I'm the only person I know who's a Giants fan, how I stopped a complete stranger in a store because he was wearing a Giants sweatshirt, how I huddle around my computer watching live scoring updates on Sundays when no one in Tennessee will broadcast a Giants game, how my dog has a Giants jersey that he wears religiously in the playoffs, how I skipped out on a baby shower to watch the Giants play Dallas, or how I refuse to invite people over to my house to watch the games because not only are they not cheering for the Giants, but I'm afraid they'll talk through the game and make me miss an important play. But the fact of the matter is that I love the Giants because of the great men that make up this team - men that are worthy of the stardom that they have earned play by play. And that's why I am the Giants' biggest fan.

Happy MLK Day.

2008-01-21T20:11:00.002-05:00

There is something very sad to me about Martin Luther King Day. It's not simply the fact that this day forces me to remember that my heritage lies in a faulted people who have endlessly abused their power and forced many beautiful, unique, people made in the image of a God that should unite us to endure hatred stemming from our self-righteous ethnocentrism and ignorance. I cannot help my heritage, however much it grieves me. I can only strive to fight ignorance and injustice in myself and those around me, working forward toward the heritage that I wish to leave and not living helplessly in the one from which I came. So ultimately, that is not what saddens me on this day. It's the fact that now, in a time when our culture is supposedly "enlightened" and "unified," we do not celebrate this day the way that we should.

This day should be a day to rival all holidays. This is the day to honor a man who went on to change the world. This is a day to remember what he stood for, and what happened because of him. This day proves that each of us, when we follow the path God has ordained for our lives, can make a difference. A difference that matters. A difference that can reach the corners of the earth in its impact. Yet many do not celebrate. Some justify their abstention saying that this man was flawed, and he was. All of us are. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." When all of us are imperfect, is imperfection any reason not to celebrate the good that can come from this world of bad?

A friend sent me this link to a blog that John Piper wrote about MLK Day. You can view it here. Also, you might want to take about 20 minutes and watch the entire "I Have a Dream" speech. Many of us have probably never seen the whole thing. You can watch that here.

Take a few minutes today and think about what you stand for. If you don't know what you stand for, think about the fact that the ability to not know what you stand for is a luxury in and of itself, when so many of the people in our broken world are born into a position where they grow up having to stand for something or else being stood upon. People say that ignorance is bliss. That may be true. But at what price does our bliss come? Who pays the price while we ignore the injustice in the world?

Ask God what your purpose is. Ask him to help you to fulfill that purpose. Know what you believe. Act on it. "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

Happy Martin Luther King Day.

GoodSearch and GoodShop - Help Raise Money for One Vision International!

2008-01-11T20:10:00.000-05:00

Many of you have probably heard of GoodSearch, but I wanted to tell you about it just in case you haven't. It's a great way to help raise money for your favorite charity, and it doesn't cost you a cent! Everytime you need to search for something online, go to http://www.GoodSearch.com instead of Google.com or Yahoo.com or whatever search engine you currently use. Then, they donate one penny to your organization for every search you do!

One Vision International has just signed up for this program, so if you are not already using this to support another charity, please consider selecting One Vision as your favorite charity. (Simply visit http://www.goodsearch.com and enter "One Vision" in the lower search bar underneath the box that says, "Who do you GoodSearch for?") If all One Vision's supporters use this only one time per day, we could raise over $1,000 this year! It may not seem like a lot, but a penny here and a penny there adds up very quickly.

It's really easy. You can even add it to your toolbar so that you don't have to go to the website everytime to do your search. Instructions for that download are here: http://www.goodsearch.com/toolbars.aspx. It's a trusted organization that has been successfully helping charities raise thousands of dollars since its beginning. You can read tons of reviews on their website to learn more about their credibility.

Also, they have just added a new feature called GoodShop. You can access it from the same page, http://www.goodsearch.com. Just click on the shopping tab, then click on the link of your favorite store. They currently are partnered with people like Gap, Target, ebay, Amazon.com, Half.com, Barnes and Noble, PetSmart, Delta, Hotwire, Macy's, and more! When you access those stores sites through the GoodSearch page, the stores donate up to 37% of the purchase to your charity! It really is an amazing concept, and a really easy way to help increase funding for young organizations like One Vision International.

Please consider helping us out this way. It doesn't take any more effort than the search you're currently using, but it means so much more. Don't hesitate to ask me if you have any questions! Also, please feel free to copy this letter onto your own blog, post a bulletin, or send an e-mail to your friends and family asking them to support One Vision as well. The more people who use it, the bigger impact we have! Thanks everyone.

Reflections and Resolutions.

2008-01-02T20:09:00.000-05:00

I've been trying for weeks now to remember what my New Year's resolution was for 2007. Tonight, as I was lying in bed trying to convince my brain to power down for the evening (a process that is taking longer and longer the older I get), it came to me in a whirl. I actually wrote a blog about it last year around this time.

Last year, because I was determined to escape the seductive grasp of comfort that seems to be constantly wooing all Americans, I said this:

"I have found myself getting comfortable in my life and my routine. I never want to be comfortable for the sake of comfort. I don't want to wake up one morning and realize that I have been making decisions by not making them, allowing life just to happen to me. I want to be proactive in seeking and following God's will for my life. I want every day to be lived on purpose, choosing to actively be a part of God's bigger picture, whether I understand it or not. Therefore, my resolution and prayer for 2007 is that God will show me some big decisions this year - ones that will impact the rest of my life and keep me on the path he has for me."

As the memory of this prayer flooded over me tonight, I found myself amazed at how God prepared my heart so that I would be ready for what he had already planned to show me this year. One of my favorite verses has long been, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4). Oh, how true this is. As I look forward to 2008, I am incredulous at the opportunity that God has laid before me as an answer to my prayer of 2007. On March 1st, 2007, barely three months after praying this prayer, I found what very well could be the door to the rest of my life.

It unfolded in ways I can only appreciate by looking back. Next week, for those who may not know, I begin a six month internship as a research assistant with ProVision Foundation. I will be researching orphanages and other non-profits overseas, studying success and failure in the field in which I have long felt called to work. Then in July, I will begin implementing what I have learned, working full time for One Vision International.

I am still working out a resolution for this year (although the alarm clock thing I mentioned last year is a sensational idea - I think I might try that again). But for now, my prayer is simply that God will prepare me for the path he has laid before me. I feel so blessed and amazed to see that my dreams came true so quickly after I asked for them. God truly has granted the desires of my heart. I pray that he will increase my delight in him, and allow me to follow wherever he leads.

May my dreams and desires be reflections of Your plans for me.

Christmas Gift Ideas that Really Matter.

2007-11-29T20:08:00.000-05:00

Many of you may know that I am preparing to leave tomorrow morning for a disaster relief trip to the Dominican Republic in the wake of Hurricane (formerly Tropical Storm) Noel. The area where One Vision International bought land was one of the areas hardest hit by the disaster, and we are going to deliver medicine, clean food and water, and other supplies.

Before we leave, I wanted to let you guys know of an amazing opportunity this Christmas. All of us struggle with what to get for certain people. Some people are easy to buy for, but others leave us wondering what in the world they could possibly want, since they have everything that they need. What if you could buy a gift for that person, and help change the world at the same time?

That's exactly what you can do with the Gift Catalog from One Vision! You can order many different types of gifts with any type of budget. Please browse through the catalog and use this order form to communicate your gift choices with us. It is an amazing opportunity to give a truely unique gift this Christmas. Please let me know if you have any questions!

If you want to sign up for the One Vision mailing list and receive this catalog via mail, please just send me a message with your mailing address! Thanks guys. Please feel free to send these links to anyone you think may be interested!

Results!

2007-10-29T20:07:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone!

Well, I have some wonderful news. Ryan is not home, but he will be soon! The judge was fair, sincere, and kind. We got a chance to observe him in several cases before he got to Ryan's, and it was actually a really cool experience. There was one case that made everyone in the courtroom cry. I would love to write about it, but I know a lot of you are anxious to know what happened. Maybe I'll save that for another time.

So basically, they were sentencing Ryan for two different charges from 2002 that have been on hold while he's been locked up in Tennessee. Both charges carry 8-10 month sentences, and the judge back then ruled that they were to be served consecutively, meaning a total of 16-20 months in prison. It is basically unheard of for a judge to overturn another judge's ruling, but that is exactly what happened today. The judge is allowing Ryan to serve the two sentences concurrent with one another, meaning that depending on the amount of time they will credit him from what he served in 2002 and what he's served since he's been there this time, he will only have to serve between three and seven more months. Yea!!! It's been such a happy day.

The officer who was taking Ryan in and out of the court room asked him as he was walking back out into the hallway, "Do you believe in God?" Ryan said, "Yes, sir." And the officer said, "Well, good, because you just witnessed a miracle. I've been in that court room for years, and I have never seen him do what he just did. Never."

Praise God. Thank you for your prayers! Now pray for three months instead of seven. :-)

Ryan's Court Date.

2007-10-28T20:07:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone,
I just wanted to ask a quick favor. Most of you know Ryan, or at least know of him. Tomorrow (Monday), he is going up before a judge in North Carolina to find out if he will be released and paroled to Tennessee, or if he will have to do up to a year and a half more time there. He has been locked up since September 2003.
Please be praying for him, and that the judge will allow him to come home. It's not likely, but anything is possible at this point. Most of all, please be praying that we will all be at peace with whatever happens. God's timing is always perfect, even when we don't understand it (or like it very much ).
I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks for praying.

Embracing Accusation.

2007-10-19T20:05:00.000-04:00

My friend Bryan let me listen to a song a few weeks ago called "Embracing Accusation" by Shane & Shane. As he shared its meaning with me, I knew that it was a profound song. And I listened to it once or twice. Today, I listened to it again. And this time, I really listened. I couldn't suppress my tears or my smile as I listened to these powerful words. So of course, I wanted to share it with you guys.

I will try and give you a general overview. The Bible calls Satan the "father of lies," because he does everything he can to draw us away from God. This song in particular is talking about how Satan tries to weigh us down under the guilt of our sin by reminding us how worthless we are and crippling us with self deprication when we fail. But there is truth in this lie. We are unworthy. We have failed. But here's the good news - the part that Satan leaves out: there is freedom in Christ. Jesus has taken our place and offered himself as a perfect sacrifice to cover the cost of our sins. God is not a God of guilt. He does not want us to live in shame. He desires that we live in the abiding joy that his grace and mercy bring.

Anyway, the song is on my page. So turn your speakers up, close your eyes (or read along with the lyrics below), and enjoy. I hope it means as much to you as it did to me. Thanks for sharing it, Bryan.

the father of lies
coming to steal, kill, and destroy
all my hopes of being good enough
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
who can't abide
he's right
alleluia he's right

the devil is preaching
the song of the redeemed
that I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation
embracing accusation

could the father of lies
be telling the truth
of God to me tonight
if the penalty of sin is death
then death is mine
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
who can't abide
he's right
alleluia he's right

the devil is preaching
the song of the redeemed
that I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation

oh the devil's singing over me
an age old song
that I am cursed and gone astray
singing the first verse so conveniently
over me
he's forgotten the refrain
Jesus saves!

A poor attempt to describe the inexplicable.

2007-10-16T20:04:00.000-04:00

I just listened to an amazing woman tell the story of how God drew her to him, and I find myself sitting here quite speechless, yet with the need to attempt to express some of the musings with which my spirit is currently overwhelmed.

God is amazing. It seems a trite statement, perhaps, but it is all that I can say. His supremacy and his sovereignty are beyond my limited human comprehension. Every once in awhile we are allowed to see just a glimpse of how he works all things together for his good, and these tiny windows of insight are enough to baffle our minds.

God, you are good, perfect, and worthy of more praise than we can give and infinitely more glory than we can try to reflect. We are all destitute before you. I desperately cry out for your guidance, knowing that I have not the wisdom nor the determination to make the choices I should. Lord, let me be a faithful servant. The best deeds I could ever hope to accomplish would still be but filthy rags, and I thank you that because of your grace, they need not be more than that - a meager attempt at an offering to you. Thank you for your mercy and love that has spared us the dues of our actions. Thank you for making it possible for us to have a relationship with you, and thereby experience the only true joy and peace we could ever hope to know. Thank you for seeing each of us, laid bare with all our weaknesses exposed, and lavishing your pure and perfect love upon us.

You are too marvelous for words. Forgive my poor attempt. Teach me to love you, and to love those whom you love.

The Much Anticipated Kenya Blog.

2007-09-20T20:03:00.000-04:00

And by much anticipated, do not think that I have such delusions of grandeur that I believe you've been on the edge of your seats waiting to read this. I simply mean that I have been both eagerly and anxiously looking forward to writing it.

There is always a degree of trepidation when one tries to pen an accurate account of something like a mission trip (or any other event that has a tendency to cause involved parties to see a distinction in their lives before and after). First of all, you want to do the experience justice, and usually feel that no matter your literary skills (or lack thereof), that feat cannot be accomplished. Secondly, each person on a trip may have had a completely different experience, making the writer feel the need to speak not in concrete experiences, but rather subjective ones. Third, there is a shared experience, and thereby culture, which everything is then filtered through. Participants often begin to realize this as they come back to their normative culture and find that no one else seems to "get it."

So with all of that said, I will say... it was too short. Most of you have heard me say this already, but it is honestly my number one reaction to the question, "How was it?" It is always particularly difficult for me to leave a place like that, because I see it as my future, and sometimes want to skip ahead to that point. But it is also very exciting for me to see the possibilities of what my future holds, and it allows me to come back to my current life with renewed energy to prepare myself for whatever future plan God has for me. But you probably are looking for a more practical account with less of my babbling internal thought process.

Basically, we played with the kids. We taught them kick-ball, duck duck goose, how to blow bubbles, crafts, and other things. It is impossible to be around this group of kids and not be smiling from ear to ear. They were so kind, welcoming, loving, and excited. My favorite part of the trip was when the rest of the group hiked a mountain, which I couldn't climb because of my knee. I was sad that I wouldn't be able to go. But instead, I got to just hang out with the kids for about 3 hours. They showed me around the whole campus, invited me into their dorm rooms, asked me tons of questions, told me their dreams for their lives, and stole my heart. There are not a lot of times in my life that I have felt an immediate sense of belonging. It speaks volumes to me, confirming what I believe to be my calling, that it's places like this where I feel that I truly belong. I will put up pictures of the kids that I spent that afternoon with soon, so that you can "meet" them. On a side note, these kids need sponsors to be able to continue in school and realize the dreams that they shared with me. It's only $28 a month. You can feed a family for only $8 a month. There are countless other ways to make a difference, which I think you will want to when you see their beautiful faces. If so, just let me know.

I was also so blessed to get to know the people on our team. Shane (the missionary in Kenya) suggested that we take turns sharing our testimonies in the evenings, and it allowed us to find out things about one another that I never would have expected. It's funny to me that the people I had only ever seen on Sunday mornings, dressed up (as much as we actually dress up at Providence), were now sitting in their pajamas with bare feet and bare souls, sharing with the kind of vulnerability that churches seem to aim for and miss. A trip like this shows you the faults of everyone there, but I can honestly say that I love each of them more now, knowing the scars and imperfections, than I did when I saw them as unblemished and unfamiliar. I hope they can say the same of me.

There are so many more things that I could write about, but this is already very long, and I have the sense that most of you have stopped reading (proper blog etiquette requires, by the way, that you leave a comment if you read). So, I will answer the questions that I haven't already touched on.

What was the funniest thing that happened? Hm... I think I'm going to have to go with a group of five ladies, John Miller, and a French guy who kept reminding us how big of a deal it was that he was helping us all pushing our van out of the mud when we got stuck in the game park. Quality entertainment (once we were out, safe, warm, and clean). Oh, and we bought a live chicken in the middle of a church service. That's a story for another time and another place.

When are you going back? As soon as possible, but realistically, maybe as soon as next year. It depends on a lot of things, including what my role with One Vision becomes in the next year.

What, is the circumference of a moose? I love my family.

Are you going to move to Kenya and care for orphans forever? Not today. That is still my dream, yes.

If you were forced to watch one reality show over and over, what would you pick? Hm... probably So You Think You Can Dance.

What was the most lifechanging moment of the trip? Probably a quiet time that I had at about 3am the second or third day we were there. Oh, or maybe the first night we got there. We stayed at a convent, and I was so absolutely exhausted from traveling and not sleeping in like two days or however long it had been. I crawled into bed with the mosquito netting floating gently and sweetly around me, feeling the breeze from the open window, smelling and hearing Africa outside. I laid there, drifting into sleep, and could not remember ever feeling as happy or peaceful in my whole life as I did in that moment. It was yet another confirmation that God gave me on this trip.

Do you still want to go back and live/work in an orphanage full time one day? Yes.

What was the best part about going? I learned so much about following God from this trip, from the way that he arranged for and allowed me to go, to the things that he taught me there through our experiences, and through Shane and his family. I think the things that he has been trying to tell me for a long time became suddenly clear in Kenya. And I was finally able to spend time in an orphanage, and see that what I've been dreaming of all these years is truly a reality, and a possibility.

Was there anything you missed? My puppy sleeping curled up next to me at night.

I wish I could write more about things like Chris and Eunice, both of whom came to know Christ through women in our group, but I have already written far too much. Thanks to all of you guys who support me, pray for me, and encourage me to follow Christ in my life. There is nothing better in the world than to know the joy that comes from knowing him and following him, and I just want to say thank you to those of you that have helped show me that over the years.

Your Questions.

2007-09-14T20:02:00.000-04:00

So, I will eventually blog about our time in Kenya. But as of now, I am too tired to attempt to put together a logical train of thought. Therefore, I am giving you the opportunity to ask questions, which I will then answer in blog form when I wake up from this amazing jet-lag induced stupor. Love all of you. Thanks for praying for me while we were gone. It was good! Seriously, ask some questions.

Stop Trying to Save Africa.

2007-07-16T20:02:00.000-04:00

My friend Art showed me this article and asked me what I thought about it. I couldn't resist sharing it. This writer articulates what has been stirring ineffably in my heart since my trip to South Africa in 2004, when we discussed things like this at great length.

While it is our duty as Christians to care about our brothers and sisters suffering around the globe, we must do so from a position of love through Christ - an equalizing love that regards others as better than ourselves and all of us as destitute before an infinitely holy God. Instead, we often approach humanitarian efforts with the position of a "white benefactor" coming to solve the problems of poor, uneducated Africans or even minority groups in our own country. This mindset is how the English (who - as he mentions in the article - went over as missionaries, intending to help) ended up in positions of authority in South Africa in the first place, morphing over time into the violent, unjust system that became apartheid.

It's great to do the right thing. But sometimes we do the right thing for the wrong reasons, which, in the end, can end up being a very dangerous thing. I would be very interested to know what you guys think about this. The article is from the Washington Post. Please comment!
Stop Trying To 'Save' Africa

By Uzodinma Iweala
Sunday, July 15, 2007; Page B07

Last fall, shortly after I returned from Nigeria, I was accosted by a perky blond college student whose blue eyes seemed to match the "African" beads around her wrists.

"Save Darfur!" she shouted from behind a table covered with pamphlets urging students to TAKE ACTION NOW! STOP GENOCIDE IN DARFUR!

My aversion to college kids jumping onto fashionable social causes nearly caused me to walk on, but her next shout stopped me.

"Don't you want to help us save Africa?" she yelled.

It seems that these days, wracked by guilt at the humanitarian crisis it has created in the Middle East, the West has turned to Africa for redemption. Idealistic college students, celebrities such as Bob Geldof and politicians such as Tony Blair have all made bringing light to the dark continent their mission. They fly in for internships and fact-finding missions or to pick out children to adopt in much the same way my friends and I in New York take the subway to the pound to adopt stray dogs.

This is the West's new image of itself: a sexy, politically active generation whose preferred means of spreading the word are magazine spreads with celebrities pictured in the foreground, forlorn Africans in the back. Never mind that the stars sent to bring succor to the natives often are, willingly, as emaciated as those they want to help.

Perhaps most interesting is the language used to describe the Africa being saved. For example, the Keep a Child Alive/" I am African" ad campaign features portraits of primarily white, Western celebrities with painted "tribal markings" on their faces above "I AM AFRICAN" in bold letters. Below, smaller print says, "help us stop the dying."

Such campaigns, however well intentioned, promote the stereotype of Africa as a black hole of disease and death. News reports constantly focus on the continent's corrupt leaders, warlords, "tribal" conflicts, child laborers, and women disfigured by abuse and genital mutilation. These descriptions run under headlines like "Can Bono Save Africa?" or "Will Brangelina Save Africa?" The relationship between the West and Africa is no longer based on openly racist beliefs, but such articles are reminiscent of reports from the heyday of European colonialism, when missionaries were sent to Africa to introduce us to education, Jesus Christ and "civilization."

There is no African, myself included, who does not appreciate the help of the wider world, but we do question whether aid is genuine or given in the spirit of affirming one's cultural superiority. My mood is dampened every time I attend a benefit whose host runs through a litany of African disasters before presenting a (usually) wealthy, white person, who often proceeds to list the things he or she has done for the poor, starving Africans. Every time a well-meaning college student speaks of villagers dancing because they were so grateful for her help, I cringe. Every time a Hollywood director shoots a film about Africa that features a Western protagonist, I shake my head -- because Africans, real people though we may be, are used as props in the West's fantasy of itself. And not only do such depictions tend to ignore the West's prominent role in creating many of the unfortunate situations on the continent, they also ignore the incredible work Africans have done and continue to do to fix those problems.

Why do the media frequently refer to African countries as having been "granted independence from their colonial masters," as opposed to having fought and shed blood for their freedom? Why do Angelina Jolie and Bono receive overwhelming attention for their work in Africa while Nwankwo Kanu or Dikembe Mutombo, Africans both, are hardly ever mentioned? How is it that a former mid-level U.S. diplomat receives more attention for his cowboy antics in Sudan than do the numerous African Union countries that have sent food and troops and spent countless hours trying to negotiate a settlement among all parties in that crisis?

Two years ago I worked in a camp for internally displaced people in Nigeria, survivors of an uprising that killed about 1,000 people and displaced 200,000. True to form, the Western media reported on the violence but not on the humanitarian work the state and local governments -- without much international help -- did for the survivors. Social workers spent their time and in many cases their own salaries to care for their compatriots. These are the people saving Africa, and others like them across the continent get no credit for their work.

Last month the Group of Eight industrialized nations and a host of celebrities met in Germany to discuss, among other things, how to save Africa. Before the next such summit, I hope people will realize Africa doesn't want to be saved. Africa wants the world to acknowledge that through fair partnerships with other members of the global community, we ourselves are capable of unprecedented growth.

Uzodinma Iweala is the author of "Beasts of No Nation," a novel about child soldiers.

Perfunctory indisposition.

2007-07-02T20:01:00.000-04:00

I am not a fan of being sick. You might think I was, seeing as how I pass so much of my time that way. But I truly do not enjoy it. The problem that I find most annoying about continual sickness is that I cannot see the point.

In emotional trials, I can often find solace because I know that God is growing me and helping me learn to be a better, kinder, more loving, more understanding person. Very rarely has physical sickness helped me learn a lesson like that. Most of the time, it just annoys me and prevents me from acting out love in ways that I wish to because I don't feel well.

However, I am sure this means that I am missing the point entirely. Who am I to question the ways of an infinite, holy, omnipotent, omnipresent God who created me and therefore knows more about me (and simultaneously about everyone else on the planet) than I could ever hope to know? Even if I don't know the point, there is one. In that I have full confidence.

I wish I could be more like Mother Teresa, who saw every opportunity to suffer as a way to join with her beloved Christ in his sufferings. I wish I remembered to offer up every ache, pain, or sickness as an offering of praise. Right now I feel like if my head didn't hurt so much, I might remember to do so.

Lord, help me not to miss the point. Let me find joy in you because of ~ not in spit of ~ these tiny inconveniences that cannot even be called trials next to what people in this world face daily.

New music.

2007-06-18T20:00:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is a great day in the music world. Seriously, like 8 million bands are releasing new CDs tomorrow. And that doesn't even count all the great new stuff coming throughout the rest of the summer and into the fall. If I went to Best Buy tomorrow, I believe it would be physically impossible for me to walk out of the store with less than five CDs. But since it is financially impossible, I must stay far, far away.

P.S. We named the dog Professor Lupin. If you think it's a stupid name, then you are stupid. Just kidding. But you should read more Harry Potter. :-)

P.P.S. If you're not watching So You Think You Can Dance, you really should be.

An update from a friend.

2007-06-13T19:59:00.000-04:00

I got an e-mail today letting me know that one of my friends had posted an update to his page. This particular friend is currently doing something called the World Race. They go to 11 different countries in a 12 month period, doing various projects, building relationships, etc. As a side note, I will admit to being completely jealous.

His latest update was so moving that I wanted to share it with you guys. If you have time, read his other posts as well, and go to his photo site and look at some of the AMAZING pictures that he has taken. Anyway, go check out Tim's website and see what is going on in the world around us.

And you just have to see this picture. It gave me chills.

Vote to name the dog!

2007-06-08T19:59:00.000-04:00

I would like to introduce you to the love of my life. I know, I know. He's ugly. But he is the sweetest dog you have ever met. And he loves me, too. :-)

Now, we need a name for him. Current front runners are Nelson and Professor Lupin (or some shorter variation), but I am entertaining all ideas at this point. Vote for your favorite name or throw another one into the mix! I need your help!

Modern day slavery.

2007-05-30T19:58:00.000-04:00

I recently finished reading this book, and I wanted to share it with you guys because of the profound effect it had on me. It is very easy to read. I finished it in two sittings.

This story is the memoir of a woman named Mende who was abducted from her village as a young child. She was beaten and raped, forced to work endless hours with no pay, subjected to mental torture (on top of the physical), and taught that she was nothing more than a worthless slave. I'm sure you've heard these stories before. But here is the unique part about Mende's story. She is my age. She is living today.

While I was in school complaining that I didn't fit in or worried because no one liked me, she was fighting for her life. She talks about one date in particular - New Year's Eve, 1999. I remember what I was doing that night, too. She was working as a slave. I was sitting at home, feeling sorry for myself because I was sick and had nowhere to go.

It is so easy to see ourselves as the main character in our stories. After all, we don't know anyone else's story like we know our own. However, this book showed me once again that we are all but a small part of a bigger story. I am not the main character. We have a bigger purpose. We exist for more than to work, make money, buy nice things, then die "happy." None of those things end up mattering in the end.

"...your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven."
~ Matthew 6:10

...because they know his voice.

2007-05-15T19:57:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you say a prayer, wait for an answer, and still have to step out in faith, not knowing for sure if you've made the right decision. Then, on beautiful days like today, things happen that confirm that yes, that was the tiny voice of the Lord guiding your heart in that process. Yes, your decision was right. Maybe I, a stupid and wandering sheep, am finally learning to listen to the sound of my shepherd's voice.

"He calls his sheep by name and leads them out... he goes on ahead of them and his sheep follow him because they know his voice."
~ John 10:3-4

They know his voice. At Christmas this year, this passage became one of my favorites. My "niece" (and by niece, I mean her parents are some of my best friends and insist on calling me "Auntie Cankles" to their child whom I love so dearly) taught me a beautiful lesson. Lindsay and Kenna were sitting next to me at church, and Bryan was leading worship. Between songs, Bryan started to speak. Kenna, who had almost fallen asleep, started waking up and fussing. She had heard her father's voice, and was straining to find him in that room full of people. She began to whimper because she couldn't see him.

Tears filled my eyes for two reasons - first, because I realized how many children do not have the privilege of recognizing their father's voice. They grow up in this scary, fallen world without the protection of that loving voice. But second, because I realized what a beautiful picture that is. We should know our Father's voice. We should strive to hear it, and to see him in the midst of whatever crowded moment we are living in. His voice should carry over all distractions.

I'm not sure where all of this came from. I guess I always have revelations when I get to see the sun rise. :-)

Free Live Recordings.

2007-05-11T19:56:00.000-04:00

Hey guys! Ben Gibbard (Postal Service, Death Cab for Cutie) and David Bazan (Pedro the Lion) did a concert last night in D.C., and it was featured on the concert series of NPR. So, that means you can listen to the live performances for free on NPR.org! Very exciting, especially for those of us who live in cities not cool enough to bring in these types of musicians. :-)

Have a lovely day! Oh, and Happy World Fair Trade Day tomorrow, May 12th. Visit Ten Thousand Villages or the Fair Trade Federation to learn more. Find your local fair trade store and support them!

Joy in Suffering.

2007-05-08T19:55:00.000-04:00

God is so amazing. Sometimes I just have to sit back and admire the intricacies of his work in this world. It's so easy to miss it. Yet when you look for it, it surrounds you inescapably.

I've been privileged to sit under the teaching of the book of Job recently, and found myself wondering while listening why I wasn't suffering in my life. After all, as it says in Romans 5, suffering produces perseverance, character, and hope. So while wondering that, I suddenly begin facing all these independently unimportant challenges that, when piled all together, began to rob me of the joy I have in Christ. I have been frustrated, grumpy, and feeling slighted at every turn. I have been selfish and quick to anger instead of "abounding in love," which covers a multitude of wrongs.

Today, I suddenly realized that all of these things are my opportunity to grow - they are a type of suffering! No matter how miniscule the trial, if I am not using it to allow Christ to refine me to his image, I am not making the best of my situation. It was one of those beautiful times when you feel smart for a moment, then stupid for not realizing your simple mistake before.

God, help me to always see each trial, no matter how slight, as an opportunity to be molded to your image. I want to be more like you every day, no matter what that entails. I know this is a bold prayer, but (I think, I hope, I pray) it is the true desire of my heart. If I don't truly desire that the world see you glorified, then I have no purpose on this earth. Let my weaknesses be holes through which your glory shines.

New Top Friends.

2007-05-01T19:55:00.000-04:00

Please take a moment to check out my new top friends list. Some of these are organizations (like the ONE Campaign or Invisible Children) that I have known about and supported for awhile. Others, I am still learning about.

Please use these links to learn more about the issues that affect our world, and what we can do to share the hope and love of Christ with those around us (although not all of these are Christian organizations, they are doing things that I believe Christians should care about). Love you guys. :-)

P.S. Read this book. :-)

Bono's Remarks at the National Prayer Breakfast

2007-04-26T19:53:00.000-04:00

I realize that this is old news, and that it's lengthy. However, it is really good, and I thought you guys might enjoy reading it as much as I did.

Bono's Remarks to the National Prayer Breakfast

On February 2, the National Prayer Breakfast, attended by President Bush and members of Congress, along with BFW President David Beckmann, featured Bono as the main speaker. His remarks on behalf of the ONE Campaign challenged the United States to "tithe" an additional 1 percent of the federal budget to fight poverty worldwide.
Below are Bono's remarks:

Thank you.

Mr. President, First Lady, King Abdullah, other heads of State, Members of Congress, distinguished guests…

Please join me in praying that I don't say something we'll all regret.

That was for the FCC.

If you're wondering what I'm doing here, at a prayer breakfast, well, so am I. I'm certainly not here as a man of the cloth, unless that cloth is leather. It's certainly not because I'm a rock star. Which leaves one possible explanation: I'm here because I've got a messianic complex.

Yes, it's true. And for anyone who knows me, it's hardly a revelation.

Well, I'm the first to admit that there's something unnatural… something unseemly… about rock stars mounting the pulpit and preaching at presidents, and then disappearing to their villas in the South of France. Talk about a fish out of water. It was weird enough when Jesse Helms showed up at a U2 concert… but this is really weird, isn't it?

You know, one of the things I love about this country is its separation of church and state. Although I have to say: in inviting me here, both church and state have been separated from something else completely: their mind. .

Mr. President, are you sure about this?

It's very humbling and I will try to keep my homily brief. But be warned—I'm Irish.

I'd like to talk about the laws of man, here in this city where those laws are written. And I'd like to talk about higher laws. It would be great to assume that the one serves the other; that the laws of man serve these higher laws… but of course, they don't always. And I presume that, in a sense, is why you're here.

I presume the reason for this gathering is that all of us here—Muslims, Jews, Christians—all are searching our souls for how to better serve our family, our community, our nation, our God.

I know I am. Searching, I mean. And that, I suppose, is what led me here, too.

Yes, it's odd, having a rock star here—but maybe it's odder for me than for you. You see, I avoided religious people most of my life. Maybe it had something to do with having a father who was Protestant and a mother who was Catholic in a country where the line between the two was, quite literally, a battle line. Where the line between church and state was… well, a little blurry, and hard to see.

I remember how my mother would bring us to chapel on Sundays… and my father used to wait outside. One of the things that I picked up from my father and my mother was the sense that religion often gets in the way of God.

For me, at least, it got in the way. Seeing what religious people, in the name of God, did to my native land… and in this country, seeing God's second-hand car salesmen on the cable TV channels, offering indulgences for cash… in fact, all over the world, seeing the self-righteousness roll down like a mighty stream from certain corners of the religious establishment…

I must confess, I changed the channel. I wanted my MTV.

Even though I was a believer.

Perhaps because I was a believer.

I was cynical… not about God, but about God's politics. (There you are, Jim.)

Then, in 1997, a couple of eccentric, septuagenarian British Christians went and ruined my shtick—my reproachfulness. They did it by describing the Millennium, the year 2000, as a Jubilee year, as an opportunity to cancel the chronic debts of the world's poorest people. They had the audacity to renew the Lord's call—and were joined by Pope John Paul II, who, from an Irish half-Catholic's point of view, may have had a more direct line to the Almighty.

'Jubilee'—why 'Jubilee'?

What was this year of Jubilee, this year of our Lords favor?

I'd always read the Scriptures, even the obscure stuff. There it was in Leviticus (25:35)…

'If your brother becomes poor,' the Scriptures say, 'and cannot maintain himself… you shall maintain him… You shall not lend him your money at interest, not give him your food for profit.'

It is such an important idea, Jubilee, that Jesus begins his ministry with this. Jesus is a young man, he's met with the rabbis, impressed everyone, people are talking. The elders say, he's a clever guy, this Jesus, but he hasn't done much… yet. He hasn't spoken in public before…

When he does, is first words are from Isaiah: 'The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,' he says, 'because He has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.' And Jesus proclaims the year of the Lord's favour, the year of Jubilee. (Luke 4:18)

What he was really talking about was an era of grace—and we're still in it.

So fast-forward 2,000 years. That same thought, grace, was made incarnate—in a movement of all kinds of people. It wasn't a bless-me club… it wasn't a holy huddle. These religious guys were willing to get out in the streets, get their boots dirty, wave the placards, follow their convictions with actions… making it really hard for people like me to keep their distance. It was amazing. I almost started to like these church people.

But then my cynicism got another helping hand.

It was what Colin Powell, a five-star general, called the greatest W.M.D. of them all: a tiny little virus called A.I.D.S. And the religious community, in large part, missed it. The one's that didn't miss it could only see it as divine retribution for bad behaviour. Even on children… Even fastest growing group of HIV infections were married, faithful women.

Aha, there they go again! I thought to myself Judgmentalism is back!

But in truth, I was wrong again. The church was slow but the church got busy on this the leprosy of our age.

Love was on the move.

Mercy was on the move.

God was on the move.

Moving people of all kinds to work with others they had never met, never would have cared to meet… Conservative church groups hanging out with spokesmen for the gay community, all singing off the same hymn sheet on AIDS… Soccer moms and quarterbacks… hip-hop stars and country stars… This is what happens when God gets on the move: crazy stuff happens!

Popes were seen wearing sunglasses!

Jesse Helms was seen with a ghetto blaster!

Crazy stuff. Evidence of the spirit.

It was breathtaking. Literally. It stopped the world in its tracks.

When churches started demonstrating on debt, governments listened—and acted. When churches starting organising, petitioning, and even—that most unholy of acts today, God forbid, lobbying… on AIDS and global health, governments listened—and acted.

I'm here today in all humility to say: you changed minds; you changed policy; you changed the world.

Look, whatever thoughts you have about God, who He is or if He exists, most will agree that if there is a God, He has a special place for the poor. In fact, the poor are where God lives.

Check Judaism. Check Islam. Check pretty much anyone.

I mean, God may well be with us in our mansions on the hill… I hope so. He may well be with us as in all manner of controversial stuff… maybe, maybe not… But the one thing we can all agree, all faiths and ideologies, is that God is with the vulnerable and poor.

God is in the slums, in the cardboard boxes where the poor play house… God is in the silence of a mother who has infected her child with a virus that will end both their lives… God is in the cries heard under the rubble of war… God is in the debris of wasted opportunity and lives, and God is with us if we are with them. "If you remove the yolk from your midst, the pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness, and if you give yourself to the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then your light will rise in darkness and your gloom with become like midday and the Lord will continually guide you and satisfy your desire in scorched places"

It's not a coincidence that in the Scriptures, poverty is mentioned more than 2,100 times. It's not an accident. That's a lot of air time, 2,100 mentions. [You know, the only time Christ is judgmental is on the subject of the poor.] 'As you have done it unto the least of these my brethren, you have done it unto me.' (Matthew 25:40). As I say, good news to the poor.

Here's some good news for the President. After 9-11 we were told America would have no time for the World's poor. America would be taken up with its own problems of safety. And it's true these are dangerous times, but America has not drawn the blinds and double-locked the doors.

In fact, you have doubled aid to Africa. You have tripled funding for global health. Mr. President, your emergency plan for AIDS relief and support for the Global Fund—you and Congress—have put 700,000 people onto life-saving anti-retroviral drugs and provided 8 million bed nets to protect children from malaria.

Outstanding human achievements. Counterintuitive. Historic. Be very, very proud.

But here's the bad news. From charity to justice, the good news is yet to come. There's is much more to do. There's a gigantic chasm between the scale of the emergency and the scale of the response.

And finally, it's not about charity after all, is it? It's about justice.

Let me repeat that: It's not about charity, it's about justice.

And that's too bad.

Because you're good at charity. Americans, like the Irish, are good at it. We like to give, and we give a lot, even those who can't afford it.

But justice is a higher standard. Africa makes a fool of our idea of justice; it makes a farce of our idea of equality. It mocks our pieties, it doubts our concern, it questions our commitment.

6,500 Africans are still dying every day of a preventable, treatable disease, for lack of drugs we can buy at any drug store. This is not about charity, this is about Justice and Equality.

Because there's no way we can look at what's happening in Africa and, if we're honest, conclude that deep down, we really accept that Africans are equal to us. Anywhere else in the world, we wouldn't accept it. Look at what happened in South East Asia with the Tsunami. 150, 000 lives lost to that misnomer of all misnomers, "mother nature". In Africa, 150,000 lives are lost every month. A tsunami every month. And it's a completely avoidable catastrophe.

It's annoying but justice and equality are mates. Aren't they? Justice always wants to hang out with equality. And equality is a real pain.

You know, think of those Jewish sheep-herders going to meet the Pharaoh, mud on their shoes, and the Pharaoh says, "Equal?" A preposterous idea: rich and poor are equal? And they say, "Yeah, 'equal,' that's what it says here in this book. We're all made in the image of God."

And eventually the Pharaoh says, "OK, I can accept that. I can accept the Jews—but not the blacks."

"Not the women. Not the gays. Not the Irish. No way, man."

So on we go with our journey of equality.

On we go in the pursuit of justice.

We hear that call in the ONE Campaign, a growing movement of more than two million Americans… left and right together… united in the belief that where you live should no longer determine whether you live.

We hear that call even more powerfully today, as we mourn the loss of Coretta Scott King—mother of a movement for equality, one that changed the world but is only just getting started. These issues are as alive as they ever were; they just change shape and cross the seas.

Preventing the poorest of the poor from selling their products while we sing the virtues of the free market… that's a justice issue. Holding children to ransom for the debts of their grandparents… That's a justice issue. Withholding life-saving medicines out of deference to the Office of Patents… that's a justice issue.

And while the law is what we say it is, God is not silent on the subject.

That's why I say there's the law of the land… and then there is a higher standard. There's the law of the land, and we can hire experts to write them so they benefit us, so the laws say it's OK to protect our agriculture but it's not OK for African farmers to do the same, to earn a living?

As the laws of man are written, that's what they say.

God will not accept that.

Mine won't, at least. Will yours?

[pause]

I close this morning on … very… thin… ice.

This is a dangerous idea I've put on the table: my God vs. your God, their God vs. our God… vs. no God. It is very easy, in these times, to see religion as a force for division rather than unity.

And this is a town—Washington—that knows something of division.

But the reason I am here, and the reason I keep coming back to Washington, is because this is a town that is proving it can come together on behalf of what the Scriptures call the least of these.

This is not a Republican idea. It is not a Democratic idea. It is not even, with all due respect, an American idea. Nor it is unique to any one faith.

Do to others as you would have them do to you.' (Luke 6:30) Jesus says that.

'Righteousness is this: that one should… give away wealth out of love for Him to the near of kin and the orphans and the needy and the wayfarer and the beggars and for the emancipation of the captives.' The Koran says that. (2.177)

Thus sayeth the Lord: 'Bring the homeless poor into the house, when you see the naked, cover him, then your light will break out like the dawn and your recovery will speedily spring fourth, then your Lord will be your rear guard.' The Jewish scripture says that. Isaiah 58 again.

That is a powerful incentive: 'The Lord will watch your back.' Sounds like a good deal to me, right now.

A number of years ago, I met a wise man who changed my life. In countless ways, large and small, I was always seeking the Lord's blessing. I was saying, you know, I have a new song, look after it… I have a family, please look after them… I have this crazy idea…

And this wise man said: stop.

He said, stop asking God to bless what you're doing.

Get involved in what God is doing—because it's already blessed.

Well, God, as I said, is with the poor. That, I believe, is what God is doing.

And that is what He's calling us to do.

I was amazed when I first got to this country and I learned how much some churchgoers tithe. Up to ten percent of the family budget. Well, how does that compare the federal budget, the budget for the entire American family? How much of that goes to the poorest people in the world? Less than one percent.

Mr. President, Congress, people of faith, people of America:

I want to suggest to you today that you see the flow of effective foreign assistance as tithing…. Which, to be truly meaningful, will mean an additional one percent of the federal budget tithed to the poor.

What is one percent?

One percent is not merely a number on a balance sheet.

One percent is the girl in Africa who gets to go to school, thanks to you. One percent is the AIDS patient who gets her medicine, thanks to you. One percent is the African entrepreneur who can start a small family business thanks to you. One percent is not redecorating presidential palaces or money flowing down a rat hole. This one percent is digging waterholes to provide clean water.

One percent is a new partnership with Africa, not paternalism towards Africa, where increased assistance flows toward improved governance and initiatives with proven track records and away from boondoggles and white elephants of every description.

America gives less than one percent now. Were asking for an extra one percent to change the world. to transform millions of lives—but not just that and I say this to the military men now – to transform the way that they see us.

One percent is national security, enlightened economic self interest, and a better safer world rolled into one. Sounds to me that in this town of deals and compromises, one percent is the best bargain around.

These goals—clean water for all; school for every child; medicine for the afflicted, an end to extreme and senseless poverty—these are not just any goals; they are the Millennium Development goals, which this country supports. And they are more than that. They are the Beatitudes for a Globalised World.

Now, I'm very lucky. I don't have to sit on any budget committees. And I certainly don't have to sit where you do, Mr. President. I don't have to make the tough choices.

But I can tell you this:

To give one percent more is right. It's smart. And it's blessed.

There is a continent—Africa—being consumed by flames.

I truly believe that when the history books are written, our age will be remembered for three things: the war on terror, the digital revolution, and what we did—or did not to—to put the fire out in Africa.

History, like God, is watching what we do.

Thank you. Thank you, America, and God bless you all.

Phantasmagorical musings.

2007-04-23T19:53:00.000-04:00

Your speech is laced with whispers of things we both wish you would say
Maybe what is now a dream will be reality one day

God, let me never forget that the pilgrimage to the place where we fulfill the ambition for which you have us in this fallen world is called life, and that this journey in and of itself is the reason we are here. I will not fulfill my purpose until the day you call me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Let me run the race each day stronger still until that moment comes.

Things you see at 10pm while driving.

2007-04-13T19:52:00.000-04:00

So, I'm on the way back from Sundown in the City last night, and I'm stopped at a red light. La de da de da, singing with the radio. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, approximately eight young men run across the street in front of me. All of them were wearing nothing but boxer shorts and tennis shoes. Yea for the random moments in life that help you keep your sense of humor. :-)

John 13.

2007-03-21T19:51:00.000-04:00

I was reading John chapter 13 this morning, and a couple of things really stuck out to me. The first thing is a purely personal observation ~ consider this my theological disclaimer if this is not in fact what the text is saying. :-)

In the first part of this chapter, Jesus washes the disciples' feet. But in verse three, as he's preparing to do so, I saw something I hadn't noticed before. "Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God." The very next verse, he gets up from the table and begins washing their feet.

Why does this seemingly unrelated verse directly precede him humbling himself as the lowest of servants and washing the feet of the men who followed him? It just struck me this morning. How can I humble myself, so that I don't need recognition and admiration from the world? Like Jesus, I must know where I come from, whose I am, and where I am going. My identity is in Christ. My sense of self-worth is found in him, not in those around me. And that is how I can humble myself with complete disregard to my social status or appearance in the eyes of others. I can be invisible to the world, knowing that Christ sees me.

Well, that was longer than I intended, so I guess I'll just stick to the one observation for today. It's enough for me to work on for the rest of my life, I think. :-) I hope each of you has a wonderful day.

30 Hour Famine Theme Song.

2007-02-28T19:50:00.000-05:00

Enjoy! :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtTOsUt1Ihs

Living Organized.

2007-02-19T19:50:00.000-05:00

Well, it won't change your life. Or maybe it will.

But I enjoyed most of this book, simply because it told me why I - a person who gains naught but pure joy from buying file folders and color coding things - cannot seem to keep my house in a relaxing, clutter-free state. It gives you psychological reasons why you might have difficulty keeping your house clean, as well as practical tips for finally being motivated to get things done and give away the super cute skirt that hasn't fit since 7th grade. I even put a sweater that still fits but that I simply don't like into my give away box! This is ground breaking territory for me, people.

So, if you still have Christmas presents that haven't been put away or you can't find a dish only to realize it's been sitting in the dishwasher clean for more than two weeks, I would thoroughly recommend this book! :-) I got it at the $5 Christian bookstore in the mall. Don't even get me started. I could write a whole blog on that place alone! If you live in Knoxville, you must check it out!

30 Hour Famine.

2007-02-07T19:49:00.000-05:00

29,000 children die every day from hunger.

852 million people around the world don't have enough to eat.
On February 23rd and 24th, we are joining together to do something about it.

This February, teens nationwide are participating in the 30 Hour Famine, forsaking food for 30 hours to get a taste of what the world's poorest children and families face everyday. Prior to the event weekend, teens raise funds by explaining that $30 – just $1 a day – can feed and care for a child for 30 days. This is the 16th Famine. The first 15 raised more than $80 million, representing hundreds of thousands of children who are alive today because of teens who went hungry and the people who sponsored them.

Would you consider sponsoring me or one of the teenagers in the Providence group as we fast together on the 23rd and 24th? If so, just leave me a comment or a message and I will get back to you with more information on how to donate.

Visit www.30hourfamine.org or www.worldvision.org to learn more.

My Biggest Fear.

2007-02-05T19:48:00.000-05:00

I sit staring out the window
Longing for passion
Longing for the hand of God to pick me up and put me down
In a situation that is designed perfectly for me
A place where I will be challenged but loved
A place where I can love
Where my abilities will flourish from use
Where I will not be so crippled by my weaknesses
Yet here I sit
Allowing consistency to become my complacency.

Resolutions.

2007-01-15T19:47:00.000-05:00

One of the reasons that I love the new year is the chance to look back and evaluate. Another is the ability to look forward and make goals. One more is that the giant ball sparkles, which makes everyone happy. Even if you think it's stupid to have a giant Waterford crystal ball (what a rediculous waste of money!) fall from the sky and watch a really old man get a couple of seconds behind on the countdown (poor guy), you can't help but smile. Because it's sparkly. And it's New York City.

Anyway, my resolution last year was such a resounding success that I felt quite a bit of pressure to have a repeat occurrance this year. Last year, I resolved to make a new close friend. It was a prayer request, really, with the added resolve of "I'll do my part to make this happen." God gave me so many brand new incredible friendships that are more amazing than anything I could have asked or imagined (Ephesians 3:20-21). I am so amazingly blessed in the friends department. I really don't deserve these amazing people.

This year, I made two resolutions. The first one I have broken repeatedly thus far. It was not to hit the snooze button on my alarm in the mornings. I waste so much time doing that. It leaves my quiet times too short and makes me stressed before I even get to work. Grr. I'll try that one again tomorrow.

The second one is the real resolution. I have found myself getting comfortable in my life and my routine. I never want to be comfortable for the sake of comfort. I don't want to wake up one morning and realize that I have been making decisions by not making them, allowing life just to happen to me. I want to be proactive in seeking and following God's will for my life. I want every day to be lived on purpose, choosing to actively be a part of God's bigger picture, whether I understand it or not. Therefore, my resolution and prayer for 2007 is that God will show me some big decisions this year - ones that will impact the rest of my life and keep me on the path he has for me. If the goal God has given me is to end up working in an orphanage overseas, I need to find out what I should be doing now to prepare for the moment when God says that it's time for me to go. There are so many big decisions tied up in this, and I feel like I haven't made any sense. (If you're still reading, thanks!!!)

So, what resolutions and/or goals did you make for this year? Have you kept them so far?

Magic in the air!

2006-11-20T19:47:00.000-05:00

It's snowing!!!

This is a magical, happy day. :-) Happy first snow everybody!!!!

So, uh, speaking of justice...

2006-11-07T19:46:00.000-05:00

First, I'll share a bit of a prayer that I wrote this morning. "God, you love justice. I ask that you give Jason justice today. Do not let him pay dearly for a crime he did not commit. Let him be at peace in his heart and know that you are in control. Give him joy in all circumstances because he knows that he is loved by you."

I've been praying for justice for Jason ever since I heard about these false charges. There is such tremendous freedom in having the truth on your side, like he did. And today, God gave him justice! The charges were dismissed because the person who was pressing the charges backed down. There are a lot more details that I cannot share, but I wanted to share this much! I know so many of you have been praying for Jason, and I wanted to say thank you. I haven't talked to him in quite awhile, but I know he appreciates your prayers.

God is amazing!!!

Maybe I'm not crazy after all.

2006-11-06T19:45:00.000-05:00

I was reading in Amos this morning. I've been reading through whole books of the Bible at a time in big chunks. It's been really different than my average quiet time of years past, because I usually read really short passages and dissected them. I like reading chapters at a time. It gives me more context and allows me to see passages in ways I never have before. Plus, being the nerd that I am, I love the feeling of finishing a book.

Anyway, I came across this passage this morning that I really liked. When I got to work, I looked it up in several different translations, and I found two that I really liked.

Basically, in the book of Amos, God is speaking through his prophet Amos to tell his people that he is fed up with the way they are acting. Israel has done nothing but rebel against God, despite the way he has protected them and cared for them. So Amos is giving them the message that God's discipline is coming.

(Side note - I read a really interesting passage in this book about the difference between discipline and punishment. It made the distinction that discipline is allowing someone to feel the natural consequences of their actions so that they will learn responsibility. It is for their benefit. Punishment imposes chastisement for an action, and is usually for the sake of punishment itself, rather than to correct the inappropriate behavior out of love and a desire to see better, more responsible actions in the future. It finally helped me to reconcile the idea of God's correction with knowing that God doesn't delight in punishment.)

Back to the point. This passage reaffirmed to me God's heart and my passion for justice. I love the parts of the Bible where you see how deeply God cares about the people that no one else cares about. This has long been my driving force in the direction of my life, and I get excited when I find passages that show me that I am in line with God's heart. So few Christians seem to care about these things, that I often wonder if I am crazy for believing what I do.

Here is the passage for your perusal. I have both a translation and a paraphrase. I would love to know what thoughts you guys have when you read these powerful verses, so full of God's righteous indignation at his people while at the same time conveying his heart for righteousness and justice.

Amos 5:21-24 (New Living Translation)
21 "I hate all your show and pretense—
the hypocrisy of your religious festivals and solemn assemblies.
22 I will not accept your burnt offerings and grain offerings.
I won't even notice all your choice peace offerings.
23 Away with your noisy hymns of praise!
I will not listen to the music of your harps.
24 Instead, I want to see a mighty flood of justice,
an endless river of righteous living."

Amos 5:21-24 (The Message)
"I can't stand your religious meetings.
I'm fed up with your conferences and conventions.
I want nothing to do with your religion projects,
your pretentious slogans and goals.
I'm sick of your fund-raising schemes,
your public relations and image making.
I've had all I can take of your noisy ego-music.
When was the last time you sang to me?
Do you know what I want?
I want justice—oceans of it.
I want fairness—rivers of it.
That's what I want. That's all I want."

I think I know why Sylvia Plath stuck her head in the oven...

2006-11-02T19:45:00.000-05:00

It is cold in my apartment, and getting colder by the minute. The beautiful, brisk fall day outside my apartment makes me happy. But no one likes to have to go open the fridge to feel warm. Speaking of which, there might be a problem with my refridgerator. But oh well. It's cold enough in my apartment that I don't have to worry about it!

I have to make it until the end of November before I turn my heat on!!! Otherwise, no one gets Christmas presents. :-(

The best news EVER.

2006-10-24T19:42:00.001-04:00

I know, I know... two days in a row for blogging is a bit much. But I have some INCREDIBLY exciting news.

Not only have I never seen a live NFL game, but I don't even get to watch the Giants on TV because they never show their games on the stations here. I don't get cable, so I even missed the MNF game last night.

But, I just wanted to share the most amazing thing that happened today in staff meeting.

I was going over the calendar (which I keep up with for the whole church), and I see that on November 26th, someone has written me as "out." Very odd, since I am the only person who keeps up with the calendar.

I said, "Who wrote this? I'm not going to be out that day."

Mike says, "Yes, you are. It's on the online calendar, too."

I look, and there it is. Plain as day. It says, "Rachel out for the Giants/Titans game in Nashville!!!!!!"

The staff chipped in and bought me two tickets to watch the Giants play when they come to Nashville! I get to see them in real life!!!! They even gave me money for gas to get there and back. I cannot believe it. I am so elated. I work with the world's greatest, nicest, most amazing people! There is absolutely no reason for them to have done something so huge and so kind for me, and yet, they did!!!

The Giants won last night, the performances of Eli, Amani, and Gibril (my team captain) got the win for me in my fantasy league, and now I get to see them play LIVE!!!!

And, I have two tickets...

I need a boyfriend... or a pit bull.

2006-10-23T19:42:00.000-04:00

I was looking online for the phone number of my apartment complex, and up popped all these articles on Johnia Berry, the girl who was brutally murdered there almost two years ago (things they don't tell you before you sign your lease).
I knew that it had happened, but didn't know any details. Reading this article was very scary! The most disturbing things about it are the following:
~ The people in the other apartments in the building (there are six apartments in each building) all reported hearing her screaming and knocking on their doors, pleading for help as she was literally dying in the hallway. They could see the blood, hear her screams. No one opened their doors or called the police. No one.
~ She was a girl that reportedly "had no enemies" and was the type of person that could make a bad day good. I always assumed that it was some sort of shady situation with a drug deal gone bad or something like that. Apparently, she was as innocent as they come.
~ The apartment complex distributed flyers saying that it was all a result of domestic violence, and refused to retract the statement even once they knew otherwise.

I suddenly feel very unsafe. I really want to meet my new neighbors and become friends with them, so that if I get stabbed (which is always the way that I die in nightmares, by the way, and thus one of my biggest fears), they will call the police. I miss the boys that used to live downstairs!!! They were so sweet, and I felt so safe with them down there. They would definitely have called the police if I was dying. I'm sure of it.

My messy, messy house.

2006-10-16T19:40:00.000-04:00

Have you ever heard someone say that the inside of your house (or room, or car... any space you occupy as your own would probably do) directly reflects the inside of your mind? If not, some people say that the inside of your house directly reflects the inside of your mind. Now you have heard it. And I have been realizing lately just how true this is in my life.
My apartment was immaculate when I first moved in, and remained that way from the time I got unpacked until Jason and I broke up. Then things started going downhill. At first, it was just a jacket and a few extra pairs of shoes by the door. A plate, cup, and fork would rest rinsed in the sink, but not make it to the dishwasher.
As my stress level became higher and higher, my apartment reflected the mess in my head. A jacket turned into a week's worth of clothes on the bathroom floor. An extra pair of shoes evolved into every pair of shoes. A plate, cup, and fork morphed into a pile of dishes that surpassed the walls of the sink and slid crashing to the floor anytime you added another one (or a clumsy cat jumped on the counter).
While I was trying desperately to hold onto control of the situations I was in, my house reflected that barely contained chaos. When I lost control, the whirlwind in my head tore through every room. When I relenquished control to God, the mess began to slowly contain itself in strategically placed corners and closets. Tonight, I clean. And I am excited about the peace of mind that awaits.

Grocery Shopping.

2006-10-05T19:39:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had a moment when, all of a sudden, you realize that something you've been doing your entire life is really, truly strange? I had one of these moments yesterday, when I realized that I talk to myself out loud in the grocery store.
It's true! I realized yesterday as I was buying taco supplies for my small group that I was speaking at an audible volume, looking for tomatoes. Not loud enough to disturb the other shoppers, mind you, but loud enough that if someone didn't want to go through the mental process of finding the best value on any given product, they could just stand next to me and copy my answer after I've figured it out. It went something like this. "Okay, now I need tomatoes. Lettuce, cucumber, zucchini, squash... there they are. Tomatoes. Oh. These are organic. Probably better, but more expensive. Hm... where are the other tomatoes? These look good. Is this the best price? Yep. Okay, one tomato. Is that it? No, I still need cheese."
The horrible thing is that I think I have always done this, and I'm not sure that I can stop. Will you still be my friend if I talk to myself in the grocery store?

I went somewhere on a Friday night! Aren't you proud of me?

2006-09-29T19:38:00.000-04:00

Tonight I went to see Jeremy Camp. I have to say that I was a little daunted at first by the hoards of high-school kids clad from head to toe in Jesus paraphenalia. Places that seem so counter cultural make me a little uneasy, but anyway, that is another topic for another time.
I wasn't really sure if I liked Jeremy before tonight. I had only heard his first album, which definitely had a bit of a rock edge to it. But it seemed he had gone a little more CCM since then. Don't get mad. I'm not saying CCM is bad. Just refer to the earlier statement about counter cultural situations.
I have to say that first of all, he has a beautiful voice. And he can do the head flippy voice thing. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm really sorry because it is (cover the eyes of your small children here) the sexiest thing in the world. But second of all, he has a beautiful heart. I feel convicted now for writing the sexy comment.
For those of you who do not know, he lost his very young wife to cancer several years ago. Talk about a man who knows what it means to be broken. He spoke a lot tonight about brokenness, and how that state of complete helplessness and dependence opens us up to be used by God. It was really beautiful to hear him say that. As painful as life can be, it is the pain that brings us to a place where we can be honest with God and say, "I have nothing. It's all you." As John Piper says, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him."
Jeremy played a new song tonight that he wasn't even supposed to play. The lyrics are simple, but I found a depth in them that spoke to my spirit in a way that I cannot put into words. I pulled out my journal and scribbled down the chorus.

I know that I've been given more than beyond measure
I come alive when I see beyond my fears
I know that I've been given more than earthly pleasures
I come alive when I'm broken down and giving you control

Here's to hoping that God breaks us all down, empties us of ourselves, and fills us with a yearning to see beyond the fears and things of this world into the beauty that awaits a life given away.

The rich and famous and miserable.

2006-09-27T19:38:00.001-04:00

It's so easy to forget that people who are rich and famous are very rarely happy. I'm sure most of you have heard at this point that Terrell Owens (wide receiver for Dallas Cowboys) was hospitalized last night after taking 35 prescription pain killers in a suicide attempt. What misery must consume his mind and his heart. Say a prayer for him. They haven't even released information yet about whether or not he will be okay.

I hope that this will serve as a reminder to me that I should never judge people. I was one of the biggest proponents of kicking T.O. out of Philly because he was a jerk. I just forgot that jerks are jerks for a reason - they're miserable. God save him. And help me not to be so judgmental. Who am I to speak into the lives of people that I know nothing about? I am no better than anyone else (1 Peter 5:5-6, Philippians 2:3, Ephesians 2:8-9, Galatians 6:14). I never thought that I would have something in common with Terrell Owens, but I understand how he feels right now. I wish I could tell him "the reason for the hope that [I] have" (1 Peter 3:15-16).

The death of one of my all time best friends.

2006-08-02T19:36:00.001-04:00

Well, everyone, I have some very sad news. Many of you know and love Cookie, our little miniature schnauzer. This morning, she passed away after about a week and a half of severe, sudden illness. This dog was truly special. She would play hide and seek with children for hours when we got tired of entertaining them. She did about 40 tricks including things like sneeze, smile, pray, dance, wave goodbye, and whisper. She played Duck Duck Goose (although she did tend to cheat a bit). I would do anything to see her do all of those one last time. Cookie could always tell when a person was sad and would work relentlessly to comfort them, bringing toys and cuddling close. Even people who thought they didn't like dogs were eventually won over by her gentleness and charm. She was the world's perfect dog, and she will be desperately missed.

You are my hiding place...

2006-07-24T19:35:00.000-04:00

This book is amazing. If you want to be inspired, read it. Corrie Ten Boom had faith that was unshakable and truly knew the meaning of having joy in all situations. Oh to live a life as dedicated to God and as close to him as she did... how blessed would that existence be?

You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and
surround me with songs of deliverance. ~ Psalm 32:7

Inspiration.

2006-07-09T19:35:00.000-04:00

I went to a wedding yesterday, which is no longer an unusual occurrence in my life. But this one was particularly beautiful. The ceremony was nice, the church was pretty. But that's not what I'm talking about.

Dave and Laura are to me the epitome of what God wants from Christians in relationships. Not just with each other (although they have one of the most Godly relationships I've ever seen, and it inspires me to remain happily single - now that's a cool trick that most couples cannot even begin to accomplish). But they also have what the pastor described as the unique gift to bring quality into every relationship that they have, whether with a waitress or with a dear friend. The ceremony was beautiful because the souls of all involved were beautiful. The pastors spoke such beautiful words over the couple, talking about their unique spiritual gifts and the journey that God led them down both separately and then together. I only hope that if God leads me into marriage one day, that my and my husband's relationship will inspire others to seek God more deeply and intimately, as Dave and Laura inspire everyone around them. God truly has glorified himself through their union, and that is what marriage is about.

Congratulations, Dave and Laura. I wish you all the best in life. I know that God will do amazing things through you.

I'm moving!

2006-06-22T19:33:00.000-04:00

I am moving tomorrow!!! I've spent all week painting furniture in my boss's basement. I'm wearing long sleeves at work today because I got black paint all over my arms last night and it will not come off! I have still not packed even remotely close to everything I need to take with me tomorrow.

But as of tomorrow night, I will officially not be bumming off my parents anymore, and I will have my own space less than 10 minutes from work! Goodbye hour long commute of death. Goodbye 14 hour work days because I can't go home in between office work and whatever I have to do that night. Goodbye leaving my house before 7:30 just to make it to work on time. Goodbye extra money and the luxury of buying food whenever I'm hungry. Oh, wait... this is the happy part. Scratch that last. :-)

Everyone come visit me! My new address is:
400 Rhodora Court
Apt. E
Knoxville, TN 37923

Also, everyone should go comment on Amy's site and get her to tell you about our dog Cookie's run in with the bee. It's truly comedy at its best.

Final Support Update.

2006-06-09T19:33:00.000-04:00

Dearest Friends and Family,

I cannot thank you enough for your prayers and support these past 10 months. Coming on staff at Providence Church has changed me and taught me more than I ever thought possible, and I am so thankful to all of you who have given gifts towards my salary, enabling me to be a part of this ministry.

I have not written in quite some time, partly because of the incredible business of my schedule, and partly because my role here at Providence has been in transition for quite some time now, and I didnt want to reveal any information until everything was finalized.

I am so excited to be able to tell all of you that I have been promoted to the Administrative Assistant position here at Providence, working with all the pastors and staff to help the office run smoothly and with excellence so that we can make, be, and unleash fully devoted followers of Christ.

This means that I now have a salary, and no longer require your financial assistance. Again, I cannot thank all of you enough for your prayers and financial support these past 10 months. I could not have had this amazing opportunity without each of you. Please continue to pray for me as I move into this new role and follow God in the path that I believe he has set before me.

If any of you wish to continue supporting the church and our efforts, or ministry associates who are raising their salaries, please contact me for more information on how to do so.

Also, I wanted to share a praise report with all of you who have been praying diligently for the inmate friend that I mentioned in my last update. He was released from prison in February, and immediately started attending church here at Providence. On March 22nd, he prayed for Christ to come into his life and take control, and he has not looked back since. Please continue to pray for him as he struggles to become the man that God desires him to be.

Thank you for your prayers! Please feel free to contact me anytime. I would love nothing more than to talk with each one of you more about what is going on in your lives.

Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did. - 1 John 2:6

Love in Christ,

Rachel Elizabeth Smith

Romans 8:28

Yea!!!

2006-05-26T19:32:00.000-04:00

Ladies and Gentlemen...
I am officially out of debt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, credit card debt anyway. Woo-hoo!

Why you haven't seen me or heard from me and may possibly be wondering if I am still alive...

2006-05-03T19:31:00.000-04:00

Hello my friends! Since I have received many "Are you alive?" e-mails, texts, and comments, I thought I would explain my absence as of late. First of all, I was in Charleston last weekend visiting one of my best friends on the whole planet! It was so wonderful to get to visit Brittany (the hyperlink thing isn't working, but she's in my top 8 so check her out there) and spend a bit of time with her. I wish it could have been more!

But anyway, the main reason that you haven't seen me and/or heard from me is because I am currently working 2 part time jobs and a full time job at the church, plus all my normal extra-curricular volunteer stuff. So yeah. I leave my house at 7am and return around 11pm, just in time to wash my face, read for a bit, and fall asleep. I didn't even watch the new Gilmore Girls last night, so you people know that I must be busy and exhausted! By the way, don't spoil it for me because I probably won't have time to watch it until this weekend. So yeah. This is day 3 of 13+ hours at work. Fun times. But yea for my first sizeable paycheck ever!!! :-)

In other news, I go to court tomorrow. Not looking forward to talking in front of a jury about a wreck that ruined my life (at that time) almost 4 years ago. Please pray that it will be over and done with quickly, and that they won't be mean to me when they cross examine me. Jason is taking off work to go with me, so he definitely wins the prize for most supportive person.

Anyway, I hope all of you are doing well! Please e-mail me or message me, so that I can keep in touch with you that way... I can return e-mails on my lunch break! If I normally talk to you on a regular basis and haven't been lately, rest assured that I miss you dearly and can't wait until my schedule slows enough to allow conversations once more. See you then! :-)

April 11, 2006.

2006-04-11T19:30:00.000-04:00

Okay, I realize that I have not been great about posting blogs lately, but you should all be happy for me, because that means that I've been hanging out with real live people instead of spending my life alone in my room on myspace. Wow. I am such a loser.

So, life is good. I spent all afternoon yesterday at the World's Fair Park, my favorite place in all of Knoxville, and got stripes of sunburn along each arm and leg. Those of you who do not know me well do not fully understand the joys of the way that my body accepts sunshine. But I spent about 4 solid hours reading while feeling the sun on my face and the perfect cool-but-not-too-cold breeze in my hair, so nothing can be better than that. I also met this amazing man named Hillbilly. He's a 45 year old homeless man that refers to himself as a "cardboard technician" and isn't ashamed of the fact that he's spent well over half of his life drunk. It was good to be able to sit and talk with him and hear about his life, and Jason talked to him a lot about God and even asked if we could pray with him at the end. It was a very sweet, beautiful moment to hear that broken, drunk, homeless man thank God for keeping him safe, fed, and clothed. I pray that Hillbilly will wake up before it is too late and realize that God still has a plan for his life.

I finally finished Long Walk to Freedom, which is a major personal accomplishment. I am 99% positive that it has never taken me longer than one week to read a book, and it took me almost one year to read this one. Granted, I read other books along the way, but it feels so wonderful to be done with it! Great book by the way. I totally recommend it. And if you don't have the time, read the last three pages. It won't spoil the story for you because we already know how it ends, and it is my favorite part of the whole book. Nelson Mandela was a man like no other.

In other news, I received the world's largest Easter Bunny as a gift yesterday. His name is Harvey James Stewart. I am entertaining guesses as to the origin of that name.

Well, I have a lot of random thoughts and not much substance, but I wanted to get a post out for the 2.5 of you that actually read my blogs. Please comment so that I feel loved and encouraged to repeat this occurrence. :-)

Survey (Yeah, I know I'm a dork.)

2006-03-29T19:30:00.000-05:00

Somewhere along the way, I decided it was okay to start filling out these stupid survey things... I'm such a huge dork! Really, I just wanted everyone to see #3. :-)

1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT RING? No.

2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP? 3 1/2 months or so.

3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED? A dozen red roses delivered to my office yesterday and a White Chocolate Mocha from Starbucks last night. :-) It was definitely the perfect day.

4. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU DROPPED YOUR CELL? About a million. I should really put his little outfit on to protect him.

5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT? Ooh, it's been awhile... I guess since before I hurt my knee! I bench pressed a bar on Sunday, though. :-)

6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON? My car payment and car insurance take over 70f my income.

7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE? A biscuit (not a cookie for you British folk... an actual biscuit like people in America eat for breakfast).

8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? Hm... probably smile.

9. ONE FAVORITE SONG? "Hold Me Now" or lots of other songs by Jennifer Knapp... she has made a strong reappearance in my CD player lately.

10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE? With my parents. I'm a loser.

11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED: King's Academy.

12. EVER DATE YOUR BEST FRIEND?: Not yet.

13. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD: Hopefully the one I have now! I think I tutored Biology at UT longer than I've done anything else so far.

14. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?: I'm sure I do inside a board game somewhere.

15. LAST WEDDING ATTENDED?: Hm... I've been to so many! I think the last one was my cousin Katie's.

16. FIRST PERSON YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY: My sister, because she will be home from England on Friday and I more than likely will not win between now and then, seeing as how I'm not going to buy a ticket.

17. LAST TIME YOU ATTENDED CHURCH: I work there, so yesterday.

18. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT: Chick-fil-A

19. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE HEARD? Probably something like, "No, I really do care about you." Stupid boys.

20. CAN YOU COOK?: I am very adept at following recipes. :-) I just made a pecan pie the other night, actually!

21. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?: A pretty blue Honda Accord.

22. BEST KISSER?: I plead the fifth to avoid incriminating myself. But it is definitely the last person that I kissed.

23. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: I teared up last night watching a little boy hug his daddy good night. Gets me everytime!

24. MOST DISLIKED FOOD: Squash.

25. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF: My heart.

26. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF: My constant failure to follow God and do what he asks me to do.

27. FAVORITE MOVIE? Hotel Rwanda

28. CAN YOU SING?: People say that I can.

29. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?: Slow Runner and Scratch Track at 3rd and Lindsley in Nashville. Amazing.

30. LAST MOVIE RENTED: Rent, I think.

31. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT?: Anywhere exciting, cultural, and new!

32. DO YOU LIKE CHINESE FOOD?: Love it... both American Chinese food and authentic!

33. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?: I have a laptop, but I use my parents' desktop quite frequently.

My Top 8 Survey.

2006-03-25T19:04:00.000-05:00

Okay, I never do these surveys, but I was bored and liked this one, so here you go! :-)

My Top 8 Survey:
[PERSON ONE]: Amy

1) How long have you known this person?: My whole life! She is my sister.
2) Where does this person live? Currently out of a backpack all over stinkin' Europe. So not fair.
3) What is this person's initials?: ADS
4) Why is this person in spot 1?: Because she's my favorite person on the whole planet, and my favorite thing in the whole world!
5) Where did you meet?: Probably the hospital in Florida where she was born.
6) How old is this person?: 21
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[PERSON TWO]: Amber
1) Is this person older than 18? Yes.
2) Have you done anything illegal with this person? I seriously doubt it. Maybe speeding. Is Alien Head Gear illegal?
3) What is this person's stereotype: Blonde cheerleader? Even though she claims to be brunette.
4) What song(s) remind you of this person? Anything prior to 1999 or some sappy love song that we used to listen to while crying about Ryan. :-)
5) Do you trust him/her?: Most definitely.
6) How did you meet?: Environmental Science class with Mrs. Fiddler and the leaf project of death. Fun times.
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[PERSON THREE]: Bekah
1) When did you meet this person?: We were roommates together starting our sophomore year at Union. I'm sure we had met before then, but that's when we became friends!
2) Does he/she have any tattoos?: No, which really surprises me as much as she's hung around crazies like me. :-)
3) What school does this person go to?: She graduated from Union.
4) Is this person athletic?: ha ha She bought a baseball cap to wear when she plays sports, so I guess so! :-)
5) What do you like most about this person?: Although she is often slowed down by her commitment to practicality, she is one of the best friends I have ever had in my entire life, and desires to know God and do His will in a way that constantly inspires me.
6) How often do you hang out?: Never. Sad.
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[PERSON FOUR]: Brittany
1) Who is this person's best friend?: Me! And her sister. :-)
2) Why is this person on your Top 8?: Because she is one of my best friends and seeing her smiling face everyday makes me smile, too!
3) When's the last time you saw this person?: Way too long ago. The day after I got off my crutches, whenever that was.
4) Does this person have a crush on anyone?: Why yes, yes she does. :-)
5) If you were to go to Six flags would you take this person?: Forget Six Flags. How about China?
6) How did you meet?: Through her punk boyfriend, Dave, I'm pretty sure.
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[PERSON FIVE:] Jocelyn
1) What is your favorite thing about this person?: She isn't afraid of life and pursues happiness wholeheartedly.
2) What are this person's hobbies?: Dancing!!!
3) Does this person have a 4.0 GPA?: ha ha She's very smart, though!!!
4) What car does this person drive? One that is always broken.
5) How long do you want to stay in touch with this person? ALWAYS!!!
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[PERSON SIX]: DJ

1) Have you seen this person's baby pictures?: No, actually.
2) What is one thing this person taught you?: That I am cool enough to be friends with the popular kids. :-)
3) What is one thing you taught them? I have no idea.
4) How old is this person?: Oooh... 26? 25?
5) Where did you meet?: We went to school together and our bands often played together!!!
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[PERSON SEVEN]: Jason
1) Do you know this person's parents?: I know his mom.
2) What type of clothes does this person wear? Ones that are approximately 4 times too big for him. But he still manages to look cute. :-)
3) Have you been to his/her house? I feel like I practically live there.
4) What's your favorite memory with them?: He's my newest friend out of everyone in my top 8! But we've already made memories that will stay with me forever, and hopefully will continue to make many more. :-)
5) How did you Meet?: ha ha Funny story. In prison.
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[PERSON EIGHT]: Greenwood
1)What is their favorite band? That's a funny question since they are a band!
2)Where does this person work? They are full time musicians, supported by their lovely, hard working wives. :-)
3) What do you like most about this person? They are some of my favorite people in the whole world! Talk about memories. I learned so much about myself and who I am from being with them. They will always hold a priceless place in my heart.
4) When did you meet this person?: My sophomore year at Union.
5 Where is this person right now? Just outside of Baltimore, MD.

Mini Road Trip.

2006-03-24T19:02:00.000-05:00

Well, it has been quite awhile since I have posted. It is not because I've had nothing to say. It is because I have had too much to say. I'm basically sick of my emotions and ready to have them surgically removed. That's right. I, the most emotional person in the world, am finally sick of my emotions for possibly the first time in my life. So, that's fun.

Good things have been happening, though. For example, last night I went on a mini road trip to Nashville. It was really nice to be alone for the six hours of driving. I miss being alone. It is one of my favorite things in the world, but I never remember that until I have the chance to be by myself. Praise God for really good CDs, great driving weather, and a gift certificate for gas that enabled me to make the trip in the first place.

First, I went to the outlet malls in Lebanon because I left Knoxville about an hour and a half too early. Yea for springtime clothes! Pretty sure everything I got was either pink or blue. Then, I got lost on the way to Murphy's Loft, where I saw my exciting new friend Jason Cox play with some friends. The music was not something that I typically listen to (a little country for my taste), but they were so talented that I loved it!

Then I proceeded to one of the greatest shows I've been to in a long time! I got to see some of my good friends Scratch Track play, and they did such a phenomenal job! It was really wonderful to see them, and even though I've seen them play a million times, I was incredibly impressed. The band that opened up for them was really good, too. It was like The Postal Service meets Cold Play. Freakin' amazing. Slow Runner.

Well, I've written entirely too much and not said anything. Maybe I'll write again soon. :-) I love you guys!

Sigh.

2006-02-19T19:02:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I'm a heart person, right? For the Myers-Briggs fans in the house, I'm INFP. 100% N, 100% F. Anyone who has known me more than 5 minutes knows that I am completely emotional. So one of the most stressful things in the world for me is when I feel like I can't act on my emotions. I hate trying to force myself to make decisions with my head, because I'm not used to it. I just want to give in sometimes and stop trying so hard. Wow, I feel like I shouldn't even write that. After all, perseverance builds character, and character leads to hope (Romans 5:3-4). Usually, my emotionalism is one of my favorite things about myself. Today I wish I were my sister, a.k.a. crazy-non-emotion-always-use-your-head-over-your-heart-and-I-just-went-to-a-Kanye-West-concert-in-England lady.

February 16, 2006.

2006-02-16T19:01:00.000-05:00

Wow, so today was eventful.

First, Providence was having a blood drive for a lady in our church who is fighting cancer. I went to give blood, and found out that I couldn't because apparently the part of China that I visited last summer has malaria in epidemic proportions, so I can't give until I've been back in the country for at least a year. I hate not being able to help. It made me sad, but I was glad that I at least tried, even though donating blood makes me really sick.

Okay, the second thing that happened is really a lot more exciting. I had dinner with Jason and his family tonight! Yes, the very same Jason that so many of you have kept in your prayers as he has been going through the process of trying to get paroled. He was released today! It was a really neat experience to be a part of such a special night. I was so honored to be included. He has so much potential. I really hope and pray that he succeeds in becoming the man that I believe he can be. Those of you who are praying for him, please continue! :-)

Along those same lines, I haven't heard from Stacy since he has been out. Please pray for him and his wife, too.

Last but not least, shout out to Katie Randall who - as of next Friday - will be Dr. Katie Randall!!! Woo-hoo! I'm so proud of you chica. You kicked pharmacy school's butt. :-) I love you and miss you!

Valentine's Poll.

2006-02-11T19:00:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm bored and it's snowing and Valentine's Day is coming up soon, so I'm in this serene, romantic, cozy, contented sort of mood. So, I've resorted to redecorating my myspace and living vicariously through the romantic experiences of others. Therefore, I want to know everyone's plans for Valentine's Day! Come on, don't be shy. If you don't have plans for this one, tell me your best past Valentine's story.

By the way, for anyone who cares, I got a Valentine in the mail yesterday! Could be my first one ever from a boy... I can't remember ever getting any others. It made me smile. :-)

Snow!

2006-02-09T19:00:00.000-05:00

The world is a beautiful, wonderful place because I woke up this morning to see a blanket of pure, white, sparkling snow. Thanks to all of you people up North that used your powers of imagination to send it all the way down here, just for me! :-)

Yea! (Again.)

2006-01-27T18:59:00.000-05:00

Stacy was granted parole as well! Thank you guys for praying. As I said before, please keep praying for these guys (Stacy and Jason) as they try to get out, get jobs, make good decisions, and succeed in life.

Does anyone read this? I feel like I'm posting to myself. It's cool if I am... just wondering. :-)

Insights.

2006-01-26T18:59:00.000-05:00

Okay, I just finished reading "The Silver Chair" from the Chronicles of Narnia. For those of you who don't know, C.S. Lewis based the stories around a character named Aslan, a lion who represents Jesus. (By the way, my sister is totally meeting C.S. Lewis's niece today. Doesn't that just make you sick with jealousy?) The symbolism throughout the stories is amazing. One part of this book in particular really struck me, and I wanted to share it.

A little girl has gotten into Aslan's country, and is about to make the journey to Narnia. Aslan has given her four signs, rules she is to memorize and follow in order to complete the quest he has given her. This is part of what he says to her:

"...remember the signs. Say them to yourself when you wake in the morning and when you lie down at night, and when you wake in the middle of the night. And whatever strange things may happen to you, let nothing turn your mind from following the signs. And secondly, I give you a warning. Here on the mountain I have spoken to you clearly: I will not often do so down in Narnia. Here on the mountain, the air is clear and your mind is clear; as you drop down into Narnia, the air will thicken. Take great care that it does not confuse your mind. And the signs which you have learned here will not look at all as you expect them to look, when you meet them down there. That is why it is so important to know them by heart and pay no attention to appearances. Remember the signs and believe the signs. Nothing else matters."

I think the parallel he's drawing here is amazing, but maybe it's only because I've read all but one of the books and by now am thorougly enthralled in Lewis's world. I would be interested to know how you guys take this.

Full Day.

2006-01-24T18:58:00.000-05:00

Wow, enough happened today to last me three weeks. I used an entire pack of sticky notes in my planner to make notes of all the things I need to do this week. By the end of the day, I could see a little corner of my calendar. Sweet. I was very productive. Especially considering I'm sick.

Then I had my first official small group Bible study. These girls are amazing. Shout out to Whitney, who is the only one of them in the blog world. We're studying James, and I'm really psyched about that. Oh and a guy came over, asked if we were English teachers, and gave me a copy of his book. Random.

I got the new P.O.D. album. It's great so far.

I got a phone call that pretty much changed my life. In a crappy way.

I watched a documentary distributed by World Vision called "Invisible Children." Please watch it. If you know anything about what has been going on in Sudan over the past couple of decades, you know the pain and devastation that is there. Watch the video, and look at the faces of the heartbreak. You will understand my heart for Africa.

Yes!

2006-01-22T18:58:00.000-05:00

Jason was granted parole! Thanks to everyone who has been praying for him... I knew a lot of you would want to be updated as soon as I found out! Please keep praying as he will be released soon and has huge decisions to make about the course of his life. He isn't even 23 yet and has already spent so much of his life locked up. I hope that he will fall in love with God and learn the true meaning of what it is to be free. Pray!

Also, please keep praying for Stacy. We haven't heard the result of his hearing, yet. I know that he and his wife are waiting eagerly and nervously to hear whether or not he gets a second chance. Thanks guys!!!

Parole Hearing.

2006-01-19T18:57:00.000-05:00

Wow, I just typed a whole page and then lost it because my computer is being difficult today. Stupid computer. So here's the gist of things.

I went to a parole hearing last week for a guy named Stacy. While I was there, I saw another guy that I know named Jason. They both were recommended for parole, but here's the deal with that. A recommendation is just a starting point. It takes two weeks for the parole board to vote and make their decision about releasing the inmate in question. So we're in that two week period now, and it's driving me crazy! I can't imagine what these guys must be going through as complete strangers are deciding their immediate futures (and by extension the futures of their families as well!). I sign onto the website at least three times a day to check and see if a decision has been posted, even though we still have at least a week to wait.

I wish you guys could all see the lives of these men. I barely know them, yet I care for them so much that sometimes all I can do is cry for the heartbreak of it all. I long for them to know the joy and peace that come from knowing Jesus and accepting His pure and unfaltering love for us.

Getting to know inmates is probably the best, most useful thing I've ever done in my life. I understand why Christ hung out with the losers: He chose to hang out with society's rejects even when everyone else tried to deny their very existence. Get to know someone different than you. Learn to respect them. It will change your life, your love, and your outlook.

Also, tonight a group from our church is going to check out Celebrate Recovery, an addiction recovery program that has had huge success. I am so excited about it, and I can't wait to see how we can be a part of what God is doing through that.