It's Lent season again, and God has given me another crazy challenge. Maybe one day I'll stop asking him to really change me through this process. But the struggle always changes me and humbles me and (I hope) makes me a little more like him (or at least makes me a little more broken that I'm not like him).
I don't really like being vulnerable. It feels uncomfortable and risky and out of control. I have felt very convicted recently as I challenge some of my clients in this area, and I'm aware that I'm missing a log in my own eye while I'm helping them to see the speck in theirs. So last night, as I, a true procrastinator, was asking God what to give up this Lent, he gave me an idea so far out of my comfort zone that it has to be from him.
The desire not to be fully known comes from insecurity. And insecurity is ultimately related to pride - at least for me. I am scared for people to see my shortcomings, because I want them to think I'm better than I am. That's pride.
So for Lent, I'm giving up pride. Doing this completely would be impossible, of course. But for forty days, I will post one thing each day that I'd rather people not know about me. It might be a way that I'm not very cool. It might be something vulnerable about how I'm feeling. But it will be real, and it will be risky. (Is anyone else feeling sick to their stomach right now?)
40 days of risk begins now. So let's start with something easy, just to get this ball rolling.
My favorite song to sing in the shower to warm up my voice on days that I have to sing is "Long Ago" by Mariah Carey. It's not a great song, and I don't know why it's the one that always pops in my head. I wish I were cooler, but I'm not.
As a side note, apparently the music you listen to at age 14 has the most emotional influence over you throughout your life. That's according to Dr. Spencer Reid on Criminal Minds, so take it for what you will. Super reliable source.